Kelly's Heroes1970

Kelly:
Crapgame?

Staff Sergeant "Crapgame":
Whaddya want?

Kelly:
I want to talk to you for a few minutes.

Crapgame:
What about?

Kelly:
I have this deal I've been working on. I thought you might be interested in helping me out.

Crapgame:
What kind of deal?

Kelly:
A private deal.

Crapgame:
Hey, Harry, go get yourself a haircut. [Harry leaves] I hear Maitland's got himself a yacht and taking it to Paris. There's money in yachts. What does he want a yacht for?

Kelly:
Who cares, as long as it keeps him out of our hair for a few days?

Crapgame:
Okay, Kelly. What is it? What is it you want?

Kelly:
Well, I want 15 Thompsons, two .30-caliber machine guns, two bazookas, two field radios and enough supplies and ammunition to last a platoon of men in the field for three days.

Crapgame:
[sarcastic] Oh. Is that all?

Kelly:
Nope! I want this Intelligence report for this whole sector and I need it in the next two hours.

Crapgame:
That's nice. What's in it for me?

Kelly:
A piece of the action.

Crapgame:
What kind of action?

Kelly:
[takes out a gold bar] This kind of action.

Crapgame:
Oh, wow! Hello, Izzy? Yeah, it's me, it's me. Listen, get me a quotation for gold on the Paris market. Yeah, now and hurry it up! How much more where this came from?

Kelly:
Fourteen thousand bars.

Crapgame:
Fourteen thousand bars! Fourteen thousand bars! Fourteen thousand! Oh, wow, wow! Hey, sweetheart, have yourself a bottle of booze, you're beautiful! That's beautiful! Where is it?

Kelly:
In a bank.

Crapgame:
In a bank? You're getting pretty ambitious, aren't you? You think you could blow a bank and get away with it?

Kelly:
It's behind enemy lines.

Crapgame:
Behind enemy lines. [realizes] That could be the perfect crime.