Ted 22015

Ted:
So that's it. I'm property. No rights, no nothing.

John:
Ted, dude, I'm so sorry, man. This completely sucks.

Samantha:
I feel terrible. I let you guys down all over again.

John:
Hey. You didn't let us down, Sam. You did your best. And, look, regardless of all this sh*t, you're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.

Ted:
Oh... Oh, that's great. That's f***ing great. I'm glad you guys are so happy!

John:
What?

Ted:
What do you mean, "What?" I'm totally screwed here, and you're sitting there basically banging my lawyer, and she's probably still f***ing billing us!

John:
Don't yell at us, dude. We didn't do anything.

Ted:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Maybe if you guys had spent a little less time mooning over each other... Sam could've won this thing, and I wouldn't be a f***ing thing, like garbage or a piece of sh*t.

John:
Hey. We've been fighting right alongside you the whole way. And remember, you're the one who's been pushing me to get back on the horse. I finally meet someone, and you're giving me sh*t for it?

Ted:
Oh, no. You're right. No, Johnny, it's fine. You're right, it's fine. It's totally fine. I got no job, no marriage and no life! But you have fun porking Gollum here while I'm left with sh*t.

John:
Ted!

Samantha:
Who's Gollum?

John:
She's a model. Ted, come back.

Ted:
Leave me alone!