Despicable Me 22013

[Gru and Lucy go on undercover, locating the crime suspects]

Gru:
[looking around the mall with a periscope along with Lucy] So, what do we got? Who’s on the list? Fire 'em at me.

Lucy:
First suspect, Hedda Blumentoft, owner of the Mum’s the Word Floral Shop.

Gru:
No, not her.

Lucy:
Okay, moving on... Chuck Kinney, "owner of Stuff-a-Bear". [a boy receives a balloon from Chuck, but pops, making the boy wail] Ooh.

Gru:
I don’t think so.

Eduardo:
[suddenly comes inside the shop] Hello? [Gru and Lucy force themselves to act natural] Buenos dias, my friends! I am Eduardo Perez, owner of Salsa y Salsa restaurant, across the mall. Now open for breakfast. And you are...?

Gru:
[introducing] Gru. And this is Lucy. And we are closed.

Eduardo:
This is just gonna take un momento. I am throwing a big Cinco de Mayo party, and I am going to need two hundred of your best cupcakes decorated with the Mexican flag. It looks something like this. [rips his shirt open, revealing a giant tattoo of the Mexican flag on his chest] What do you think? [flexes and makes his chest wave]

Gru:
[hides his eyes in disgust] Look away!

Lucy:
[stares at Eduardo] You—Whoa... Hooo...

Eduardo:
Anyway, I have to go. It’s all settled! I pick ‘em up next week! Have a good day. Come by if you get a chance, okay? [leaves the store; Gru groans in relief; suddenly pops back in] And welcome to the mall family! [Gru studies his face and gasps, seeing Eduardo in a red luchador mask surrounded by flames as he leaves the mall]

Gru:
[whispering to himself] El Macho.

Lucy:
[confused] What?

Gru:
[looking through the window] But it couldn't be...

Lucy:
Wha... What? What couldn't be?

Gru:
[referring to Eduardo] That guy looks exactly like a villain named El Macho, from about 20 years ago. [a flashback reveals El Macho, 2 decades ago; voice-over] He was ruthless... [El Macho empties a bottle of tequila into a glass and smashes it over his head] He was dangerous... [El Macho squeezes a rattlesnake's venom out of his fangs, filling his glass] And as the name implies... [El Macho simply eats his glass] Very macho! [El Macho pins his money to the bar with the rattlesnake's fangs and leaves through the wall] He had the reputation of committing heists using only his bare hands! [El Macho stops a cargo truck with his head, then punches the driver out] But sadly, like all the greats, El Macho was gone too soon. He died in the most macho way possible - riding a shark with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest into the mouth of an active volcano! It was glorious!

Lucy:
[confused] Yeah, sounds like El Macho's pretty dead...

Gru:
They never found the body. Oh, no. All that was ever retrieved was a pile of singed chest hair. [pause] But that face, it has got to be El Macho!

Lucy:
[gasps] So what do you say you and I break into his restaurant... tonight?

Gru:
Yes, that’s good, because I’m telling you if anyone in this place holds the PX-41 serum... [points to Eduardo] ...It’s him.