Monty Python's Life of Brian1979

High Priest:
Matthias, son of Deuteronomy of Gath...

Matthias:
Do I say "yes"?

Female Stone Helper 1:
Yes.

Matthias:
Yes.

High Priest:
You have been found guilty by the elders of the town, of uttering the name of our Lord, and so, as a BLASPHEMER! [The crowd reacts approvingly] You are to be stoned to death.

Matthias:
Look. I-I'd had a lovely supper, and all I said to my wife was, "That piece of halibut was good enough for Jehovah."

[The crowds reacted angrily]

High Priest:
BLASPHEMY! [to the crowd] He's said it again!

Crowd:
Yes! Yes, he did! He did!

High Priest:
Did you hear him?!

Crowd:
Yes! Yes, we did! We did!

Woman 1:
Really!

[Silence]

High Priest:
[shocked and confused] Are there any women here today?

Crowd:
[in male voices] No. No. No. No...

High Priest:
Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me...

[One Woman stones Matthias]

Matthias:
Oww! Lay off! We haven't started yet!

High Priest:
Come on! Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on.

Crowd:
[in female voices] She did! She did! [in male voices] He did! He! He. He. Him. Him. Him. Him. He did.

Woman who casts 1st stone:
Sorry. I thought we'd started.

High Priest:
Go to the back.

Woman who casts 1st stone:
Oh, dear.

High Priest:
Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we?

Matthias:
Look. I don't think it ought to be blasphemy, just saying "Jehovah".

Crowd:
Oooh! He said it again! Oooh!

High Priest:
YOU'RE ONLY MAKING IT WORSE FOR YOURSELF!

Matthias:
Making it worse?! How could it be worse?! Jehovah! Jehovah! Jehovah!

[The crowds again react angrily]

High Priest:
I'm warning you. If you say Jehovah once more... [Mrs. A stones the High Priest; Matthias laughs] Right. Who threw that? [Silence] Come on. Who threw that?

[Mrs. A tried to escape, but the crowd blocked her]

Crowd:
[in female voices] She did! It was her! [in male voices] He! He. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him. Him.

High Priest:
Was it you?

Mrs. A:
Yes.

High Priest:
Right!

Mrs. A:
Well, you did say "Jehovah".

[The crowd stones Mrs. A]:

High Priest:
[Irritated] STOP! STOP, WIll YOU?! STOP THAT! [everyone stops] STOP IT! Now, look! No one is to stone anyone until I blow this whistle! Do you understand?! Even, and I want to make this absolutely clear, even if they do say "Jehovah".

[Then the crowd stone the High Priest, then three Women slammed a large rock over him, instantly killing him]

Woman 2:
Gotcha!

[The crowd broke to a applause, the sentries look at each other]