Shrek 22004

Puss:
[after attacking Shrek] Now, ye ogre! Pray for mercy from... [slashes "P" on the tree] Puss...in Boots!

Shrek:
[Growls in rage] I'll kill that cat!

Puss:
Ah-ha-ha! [He drops the sword, then starts heaving for a second, confusing Shrek and Donkey. Then spits out the hairball and coughs] [chuckles] Hairball.

Donkey:
Oh, that is nasty.

Shrek:
[picks up Puss by the back of the neck] What do you reckon we should do with him?

Donkey:
I say we take the sword and neuter him right here. Give him the Bob Barker treatment!

Puss:
[frightened] Oh, no! Por favor! Please! I implore you! It was nothing personal, Señor! I was doing it only for my family. My mother, she is sick. And my father lives off the garbage! The king offered me much in gold and I have a litter of brothers-

Shrek:
[covers his Puss' mouth with his Shrek's finger] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Fiona's father paid you to do this?

Puss:
The rich king? Sí. [Shrek drops Puss to the ground, Puss screeches]

Shrek:
[sighs] Well, so much for Dad's royal blessing.

Donkey:
Oh, come on, Shrek, don't feel bad. Almost everybody that meets you wants to kill you.

Shrek:
[sits on the rock] Gee, thanks. [looks down at the river reflection and sighs] Maybe Fiona would have been better off if I were some sort of Prince Charming.

Puss:
Sí, that's what the king said. [Donkey gives him a dirty look] Oh, uh...sorry. I thought that question was directed at me.

Donkey:
[walks over to Shrek] Shrek, Fiona knows you'd do anything for her.

Shrek:
Well, it's not like I wouldn't change if I could. I just...I just wish I could make her happy. [pauses out] Hold the phone... [pulls out Fairy Godmother's business card] "Happiness." [flips it over] "A tear drop away." Donkey, think of the saddest thing that's ever happened to you.

Donkey:
Oh, man, where do I begin? Well first there was the time that old farmer tried to sell me for some magic beans. I ain't never got over that. Then this fool went off and had a party and he have the guests trying to pin the tail on me. Then they got all drunk and start beatin' me with a stick going, "Piñata! Piñata!" What is a piñata, anyway?!

Shrek:
No, Donkey, I need you to cry!

Donkey:
Yeah, well don't go projecting on me! I know you're feelin' bad, but you gotta let your own- [Puss angrily stomps on his hoof] OWWWW!!!!!! [whimpers and tears] You little hairy litter-licking sack of...

[Donkey's tear sheds and Shrek lets it fall onto the card. A bubble is conjured, and Fairy Godmother appears in it]

Fairy Godmother:
["Voice Message" Bubble forms after landing] What? Is it on? Is it on? [clears her throat] This is Fairy Godmother. I'm either away from my desk or with a client, but if you come by the office, we'll be glad to give you a personal appointment. Have a Happy Ever After! [Bubble pops]

Donkey:
Ohhh.

Shrek:
Are you up for a little quest, Donkey?

Donkey:
That's more like it! Shrek and Donkey, on another whirlwind adventure! [singing] Ain't no stoppin' us now! Whoo! We're on the move!

Puss:
Stop, ogre! I have misjudged you.

Shrek:
Join the club. We've got jackets.

Puss:
On my honor, I am obliged to accompany you until I have saved your life as you have spared me mine.

Donkey:
I'm sorry, the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken. Let's go, Shrek! [sees Shrek walking to Puss] Shrek? [slight pauses out; Shrek looks down at Puss, who gives him a cute, helpless look. Shrek smiles] Shrek?!

Shrek:
Aw, come on, Donkey. Look at him in his wee little boots. You know, how many cats can wear boots? Honestly. Aw, let's keep him!

Donkey:
Say what?!?! [Puss purrs and Shrek marvels at his cuteness. Donkey groans in frustration]

Shrek:
Aw, listen. He’s purring!

Donkey:
Oh, so now it's cute!

Shrek:
Aw, come on, Donkey. Lighten up.

Donkey:
Lighten up?! Oh, I should lighten up?! Look who's telling who to lighten up!