Shrek 22004

Harold:
Fairy Godmother. Charming.

Fairy Godmother:
Ugh, you'd better have a good reason for dragging us down here, Harold.

Harold:
Well, I'm afraid Fiona isn't really... warming up to Prince Charming.

Charming:
Umm, FYI, not my fault.

Fairy Godmother:
No, no, of course it's not, dear.

Charming:
I mean, how charming can I be when I have to pretend I'm that dreadful ogre?

Harold:
No, no, it's nobody's fault. Perhaps it's best if we just call the whole thing off, okay?

Fairy Godmother and Charming:
[In unison, shocked] What?!

Harold:
I mean, you can't force someone to fall in love!

Fairy Godmother:
Oh I beg to differ. I do it all the time. [pulls out the Love Potion vial and hands it to Harold, and he takes it] Have Fiona drink this and she'll fall in love with the first man she kisses, which will be Charming.

Harold:
Umm, no.

Fairy Godmother:
What did you say?

Harold:
[stutters] I...I...I can't. I...I won't do it.

Fairy Godmother:
Oh, yes, you will. If you remember, I helped you with your happily ever after. And I can take it away just as easily. [sticks her wand in his face] Is that what you want? Is it?

Harold:
No.

Fairy Godmother:
[puts down her wand] Good boy. Now, we have to go. I need to do Charming's hair before the ball. He's hopeless. Y'know he's all high in the front, he can never get to the back. You always need someone to do the back of your hair.

Charming:
Oh. Thank you, mother.

Donkey:
[from outside the window, shocked] Mother?! [Fairy Godmother, Charming and Harold turn their heads fast to see Shrek, Donkey and Puss outside the window, hearing everything]

Shrek:
Um, Mary! A talkin' horse!

Fairy Godmother:
[enraged] THE OGRE! [Shrek, Donkey, and Puss ride away from the Poison Apple, she flies after them and tells the knights get them] STOP THEM!! THIEVES!! BANDITS!! STOP THEM!!!