Delocated

Delocated2008

Director: Jon Glaser
Genre: Comedy
Delocated (or known in the title card as Delocated New York) is an American television series that premiered February 12, 2009 on Adult Swim. The original pilot for the show was aired on April 1, 2008. Jon Glaser plays a man in the Witness Protectio… more »



Rob:
Oh, sorry. Don't mean to interrupt the interview.

Leslie King:
No, not at all. Jay and I were just getting to know each other.

Rob:
Oh, uh, well, one thing I happen to know about Leslie is that she spent a, uh, whole summer studying abroad in Rome.

Jay 2:
Oh, really?

Leslie King:
Uh, yes.

Jon:
What, uh, what, did you do an IMDb on Leslie? [laughs]

Rob:
Well, I've done a lot of things on Leslie. We just started seeing each other. [touches Leslie's hand]

Leslie King:
Rob.

Jay 2:
Jon, wheel me away from here, please.

Jon:
No, hold on, Jay. Rob, what are you doing?

Rob:
Not doing anything.

Jon:
Oh bull [bleep]. You know Jay like her and you made your move.

Leslie King:
[to Rob] Excuse me?

Rob:
Look --

Jay 2:
Jon, please?

Jon:
Jay, shut up. I'm trying to help you right now.

Rob:
Listen, the heart wants what it wants.

Jon:
Oh, yeah? Well, your heart is a dick.

Jay 2:
Jon, please?

Leslie King:
I'm sorry. What is going on here?

Rob:
I don't know.

Jon:
Leslie, Jay has a crush on you, okay? That's why he's dressed sexy. I was trying to set you guys up. Rob knew all of this, and for some reason that had better be explained to me, he decided to ask you out.

Rob:
He takes my bullet, I steal his girl.

Leslie King:
Uh, Rob, I'm not your girl.

Rob:
Oh, Leslie, come on. You got to admit there's a certain...obvious animal attraction between us.

Leslie King:
Don't call me ever again.

Rob:
Les. Les.

[Leslie and the crew leaves]

Jon:
You know, I don't who I feel worse for -- Jay or the reporter for not getting to see that dong.

Rob:
Oh, oh, please, don't worry. She did fine in the dong department, trust me.

Jon:
Oh, yeah?

Rob:
Yeah.

Jon:
Prove it.

Rob:
What?

Jon:
Whip it out. Let's compare dongs right now. Let's go, man. Move, Jay. [unbuckles Jay's pants]

Jay 2:
Stop it, Jon.

Rob:
I'm not gonna do that.

Jon:
Let's go, man. Let's ese it.

Rob:
Jon, you're out of your mind.

Jon:
Am I?

Rob:
Yeah.

Jon:
Why don't you put your dong where your mouth is, a**hole? Let's see it.

[as Jon struggles trying to unbuckles Jay 2's pants to show dongs, Jay 2 has had enough]

Jay 2:
[bleep] you for being [bleep] to me behind Jon's back. I didn't steal your bullet. And, Jon, no one asked you to wash my dick.

Jon:
Yeah, well, no one asked me to stop, either.

Jay 2:
I wish I'd never jumped in front of that bullet. [to Jon] And I wish it was you in this chair.

Jon:
[surprised] How dare you. How...dare you! I dedicated my LIFE to you. You think I like washing that dong? I have to make myself numb to the world to do it. Where's my thanks? Where's Jon's gratitude? Who's washing Jon's dong? Nobody.

[one of Jay 2's feet start to move]

Jon:
Oh, my god, Jay, Jay, you're moving.

Jay 2:
I know. I'm trying to kick you in the balls to get you to shut the [bleep] up!

0.0 / 0 votes
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Submitted by timothyj.29104 on August 25, 2024

Modified by timothyj.29104 on August 27, 2024


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