Delocated

Delocated

Delocated (or known in the title card as Delocated New York) is an American television series that premiered February 12, 2009 on Adult Swim. The original pilot for the show was aired on April 1, 2008. Jon Glaser plays a man in the Witness Protection Program who moves his family to New York City. The family exploits the situation by starring in a reality TV show about being in the Witness Protection Program (in which, initially, they all wear disguises for their faces and voices; later, only "Jon" does). Eugene Mirman co-stars in all seasons as Yvgeny, a Russian mafia associate and aspiring stand-up comic hired to kill "Jon."This series is produced by Wonder Showzen and Xavier: Renegade Angel creators and rock band PFFR. It leans decidedly towards deadpan humor while still reflecting the black humor typical of their other shows. It is presented as if it were the fictional reality show which it portrays. The show is rated TV-PG and TV-14 for dialogue, strong language, sexual scenes, and moderate violence. In the first seven episodes, Delocated had an eleven-minute runtime; as of season two, each episode had a twenty-two-minute runtime. The off-season series finale aired on March 7, 2013.

Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Jon Glaser
Year:
2008
2,593 Views

Jon:
Um, before I get ahead of myself here, I just want to clear up in case -- I've got some unfamiliar faces, to me at least, out here. I'm David's Dad. My name is Jon. I just wanted to make sure no one out there thinks there was a bank "Ska-ber" running around. [chuckles]

One guy at the back:
[coughs]

Jon:
Oh, come on. Bank Skaber. Bank Robber, Bank Skaber. Robber, Ska, Skaber. Easily the most creative and least obvious ska pun of the night gets nothing. I see. Okay. I didn't even want to do this in the first place. You know, I wouldn't even be thinking of ska puns, wasting my time with it, if David hadn't decided to disgrace God with a ska-themed Bar Mitzvah. It was his first decision as a man, and I decided to go with it. And, uh, let's just hope his decision get a little better from here.

Jon:
Oh, also, I thought of a pretty good knock-knock joke today that I thought I would share. You guys can tell it at school later. Here it goes. "Knock knock", "Who's there"? "The federal agent". "The federal agent, who"? "The federal agent who is obviously trying to plant his bone in my wife's front yard. So obvious. It's like every time I look, it's like -- Oh, really? You can't be, like, a little more subtle about it?

[Mike snatches the microphone from Jon]

Jon:
Hey, give me the microphone back.

Mike:
Come on, Jon, let's go.

Jon:
Give me the microphone. Or do you want to have gangbang with all your ska buddies with my wife at the ska club?

Mike:
[to the audience] Sorry, everybody.

Jon:
Move.

Mike:
[to the audience] Uh, Skazel Tov.

[while Susan says her moments with Fake Jon, the Real Jon shows up to the funeral]

Susan:
What the f***?

Jon:
No, please, keep talking. Those are the nicest things you've said about me in months. [sees a cardboard of himself] Hello, me. And hello to everybody. STILL ALIVE! How's it feel? Camera in your face -- How do you feel now? Do you like this? A-hole. Can't do anything without being followed by a camera. You can't even coze out with your gal -- Wrap myself up in that smokin' bod. Camera's -- Sweetheart, I'm just making a point. Your body's awesome. It's insane, and I can't enjoy it with cameras around. IT SUCKS, and I'm sick of it. And now you know what it's like to be me. Now you're me. You're me, and you're all -- You're ALL me.

Susan:
WHAT?! YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF! YOU ASKED FOR THIS. YOU DRAGGED DAVID AND ME INTO THIS STUPID SHOW WE NEVER WANTED TO DO, ANYWAY.

Jon:
Don't you dare make this about you. How selfish -- A man is dead, [to Fake Jon] And you're gonna start making this about yourself. Want to tell you about this guy.

Jon:
His name is Mark. He used to own a rollerblading store, drove a , uh, Dodge Durango...candy-apple red.

Jon:
Yeah, so, then -- Then, his wife, now ex-wife, jets off to Mexico with her new greek boyfriend.

Jon:
So, then I told him about, uh, Nicky's Grinders, and he already heard of it. Like, "Dude, I get the number 4".

Jon:
So, yeah, okay, fine. Want to be pissed off at me? Go ahead. You can be pissed off at me for the rest of your life. Right now, there's a man behind me that needs a funeral, and a proper one at that.

TV Announcer:
And coming up next, if you like "Delocated", then you're gonna love our brand new show about the guy who's trying to kill the guy on "Delocated". And tonight's premiere episode -- It's all live!

Jon:
What?

Jon:
[on TV] What happens when you take a family from their small-town existence in the Witness Protection Program...

Susan:
[on TV] ...move them to New York City...

David:
[on TV] ...and give them their own reality show...

[transitions to the next scene to Yvgeny's show]

Yvgeny:
[on TV] And then give another reality show to the guy who's trying to kill that family while at the same time trying to become a successful New York stand-up comedian?

Yvgeny:
[on TV] Hello, everyone, and welcome to "Yvgeny!" Tonight and every night...

Jon:
[to Danny] Uh, is that my hallway?

Yvgeny:
...play all the big comedy clubs in New York City trying to become successful comedian while also, at the same time, I will try to kill Jon. Oh, look. I wonder who lives here.

[Yvgeny knocks on Jon's door on live TV which shows the same guy who's knocking Jon's door in real life]

Jon:
Alright, what the hell is going on, Danny?

[Yvgeny burst down Jon's room, ready to kill Jon while the video production crew is recording it on live]

Yvgeny:
Sorry, Jon, but tonight, "Delocated" gets canceled!

[Danny, Mike, and Yvgeny had an brawl, until a few gunshots was fired]

Yvgeny:
[to the video crew] LET'S GO!

Jon:
Mike, are you okay?!

Yvgeny:
[to the video crew] Come on. I have a set at the improv.

Jon:
Mike, are you alright?

Mike:
I'm fine.

Jon:
[sees Danny dead] Oh, god, Danny.

[Jon does a prank in a fake coffee shop, but goes horribly wrong]

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
What's up, milady? What can I get for ya?

Unsuspected Customer:
Excuse me? I'm not a woman.

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Oh, right, man. Yeah. So, uh, what's up? What you want?

Unsuspected Customer:
Get me, uh, a medium earl grey with room for milk.

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Alright. Medium earl with some room for moo juice. Good call on the Earl. Be right back with that, man. We get a medium earl? Put some cow in it.

[Jon goes to the Nerve Center]

Jon:
[to the viewers] Okay. If, uh, tea is what he wants, then "T" is what he's gonna get. [quietly laughs] Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Okay, uh, here we go. Uh, got a medium earl with a medium earl. [gives the customer a T in a cup]

Unsuspected Customer:
Sir, what is this?

Jon:
Uh, it's your "T", man.

Unsuspected Customer:
WHAT IS THIS?!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
Uh, this is your "T", man.

Unsuspected Customer:
WHY ARE YOU [bleep] WITH ME?! GO GET ME MY TEA!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
This is your "T".

Unsuspected Customer:
[slaps the cup off of Jon's hands] I DON'T NEED THIS TODAY! I JUST LOST MY JOB!

Jon (as Coffee Worker):
[goes off-character] Okay, j-just be cool, okay. Look, look, look, look, look. [takes off the disguise]

Jon:
Prank show. Jon from "Delocated!". This is "Jon He Does It"!

Unsuspected Customer:
I DON'T GIVE A [bleep] WHO YOU ARE, MOTHER [bleep]!

Jon:
Alright, just h-h-ho -- Hold on! I'm going right here. There's a crew. Just look. There's a whole crew back here. We've got cameras, producers. Okay?

[as Jon heads to the Nerve Center, his whole crew disappeared]

Jon:
Guys? GUYS?! [bleep] Come here! Look, look, look, look, look. Right up here. There's cameras in here, and there's cameras in these muffins and bagels. There's cameras. You just can't see them.

Unsuspected Customer:
You're a dead man.

Jon:
No, please believe me! Come on!

[Rob rushes in]

Rob:
SECRET SERVICE! On the floor.

[Customer knocks out Rob and grabs his gun]

Unsuspected Customer:
Mr. Tea, Mr. "Delocated!". Say your prayers, a**hole.

Jon:
[sadly begs] PLEASE! PLEASE!

Mighty Joe Jon:
BANG! [laughs] PRANKED!

Jon:
...

Jon:
What's going on?

Mighty Joe Jon:
There's no prank show. That's what's going on.

Jon:
What?

Mighty Joe Jon:
You really think I greenlighted a show called "Jon He Does It!"? Now way, man! My god! Are you kidding me? [chuckles] I got you man!

Mighty Joe Jon:
What's that smell?

Jon:
Um...I, uh...you know, I got...real scared. I thought I was gonna die, and I, uh, got a little "frrt" in my pants.

All:
[laughter except for Jon]

Mighty Joe Jon:
BONUS! I guess that's just "Mighty Joe Jon He Does It!"! [laughter] Laugh at him some more! So stupid. So stupid.

[cuts to the next scene where Jon gets mad in the bathroom for what MJJ did to him while washing his hands]

Jon:
[pissed] That is not funny! You do NOT do to people! NO! [cries]

Kim:
You know, Jon, first you spent all your time on the prank show, and now you're spending it all on the lawsuit. Why don't you just give me a call when you're ready to get back into this relationship?

Jon:
[chuckles] Whoa. Wait right -- Wait, wait, wait. So you're just gonna walk out the door, and, what, I-I chase you? I chase you down the hall, and oh, there's Mighty Joe Jon and a camera crew, and it's a prank.

Kim:
No, 'cause not everything's a prank, Jon. Look at you. You haven't showered in days. This is...I can't be a part of this.

Jon:
Kim. Kim. Kim. You can't leave.

Kim:
Really? Why not?

Jon:
Because you're pregnant.

Kim:
Wow. You have really gone off the deep end. I'm pregnant? And how would you know that and I wouldn't?

Jon:
Hear me out.

Kim:
Mm-hmm.

Jon:
You know how Mighty Joe Jon has been all like, "If it's yellow, you got to let it mellow", and we've been trying it at home? Alright, well, you've been all, like, hormonal lately and just mad at me, and I'm like, "Oh, something's up with Kim. I'll bet she's pregnant". I got a pregnancy test, and when you were sleeping, I put it in the toilet with your pee in there, and it was positive, and we are having a baby!

Kim:
Where's the pregnancy test?

Jon:
What's that?

Kim:
Where's the little stick you stuck in the toilet bowl?

Jon:
Um...oh, where'd I put that? Oh, I-I did it, and then I was like --

Kim:
Alright, well, that's no biggie. We'll just go to the pharmacy and get another test.

Jon:
No, no, no, no, no, no. H-H-Hold on. I-I'll get it. Here. Come here. Come here. You have a seat. You're a pregnant lady. Okay? Bye, mommy. Whaa!

[Jon (as Unknown Heckler) participates in the comedy contest]

Jon (as Unknown Heckler):
You know, I, uh -- I know this is a comedy contest and that I'm supposed to try to make everyone laugh and tell jokes and try to win the money. But there's some things in life that are more important than standing on a stage and trying to get a couple of yucks.

Audience:
[laughter]

Jon (as Unknown Heckler):
No, no, I'm -- I'm serious. I may be the Unknown Heckler, but, uh... [takes off his paper bag] I'm also a person.

Jon:
My name is Jon. And I have a story that needs to be known. My sister comes to my apartment the other day, and I can tell something's wrong. You know, I'm all like, "Sis, what's up"? Turns out she's pregnant, but she doesn't love the father. She's upset, tells me she's thinking about having an abortion, and I'm all like, "Slow down, sis. Put on the conversation brakes here. I mean, you are talking about an actual life, for goodness sake".

Jon:
Go to the kitchen to get here some water, grab a bag of chips. I'm trying to open the chips, and, I mean, has anybody tried to open a bag of these things lately?

Audience:
[laughter]

Jon:
I mean, you got to be Arnold Schwarzenegger to open a bag of these things. Somebody call the crunchinator. [as Arnold Schwarzenegger] I'll be back...with chips.

[Jon was having the fun doing his comedic joke moments]

Jon:
Someone was trying to convince me the other day that life does not begin at conception. And I was all like, "Whatever -- All I know is that taste begins at the crunch".

Jon:
[as Arnold Schwarzenegger] Hey, predator, pass the chips.

Jon:
Somebody was saying that they don't think it's about the baby. They think it's about a mother's choice. And I was like -- [imitates crunching] "See -- I can't hear you over the crunch".

Jon:
Well, I thank god I live in America, that I have the freedom to come up here onstage and voice my opinion. Right. In other words, what a crunch-ry!

Rob:
Oh, sorry. Don't mean to interrupt the interview.

Leslie King:
No, not at all. Jay and I were just getting to know each other.

Rob:
Oh, uh, well, one thing I happen to know about Leslie is that she spent a, uh, whole summer studying abroad in Rome.

Jay 2:
Oh, really?

Leslie King:
Uh, yes.

Jon:
What, uh, what, did you do an IMDb on Leslie? [laughs]

Rob:
Well, I've done a lot of things on Leslie. We just started seeing each other. [touches Leslie's hand]

Leslie King:
Rob.

Jay 2:
Jon, wheel me away from here, please.

Jon:
No, hold on, Jay. Rob, what are you doing?

Rob:
Not doing anything.

Jon:
Oh bull [bleep]. You know Jay like her and you made your move.

Leslie King:
[to Rob] Excuse me?

Rob:
Look --

Jay 2:
Jon, please?

Jon:
Jay, shut up. I'm trying to help you right now.

Rob:
Listen, the heart wants what it wants.

Jon:
Oh, yeah? Well, your heart is a dick.

Jay 2:
Jon, please?

Leslie King:
I'm sorry. What is going on here?

Rob:
I don't know.

Jon:
Leslie, Jay has a crush on you, okay? That's why he's dressed sexy. I was trying to set you guys up. Rob knew all of this, and for some reason that had better be explained to me, he decided to ask you out.

Rob:
He takes my bullet, I steal his girl.

Leslie King:
Uh, Rob, I'm not your girl.

Rob:
Oh, Leslie, come on. You got to admit there's a certain...obvious animal attraction between us.

Leslie King:
Don't call me ever again.

Rob:
Les. Les.

[Leslie and the crew leaves]

Jon:
You know, I don't who I feel worse for -- Jay or the reporter for not getting to see that dong.

Rob:
Oh, oh, please, don't worry. She did fine in the dong department, trust me.

Jon:
Oh, yeah?

Rob:
Yeah.

Jon:
Prove it.

Rob:
What?

Jon:
Whip it out. Let's compare dongs right now. Let's go, man. Move, Jay. [unbuckles Jay's pants]

Jay 2:
Stop it, Jon.

Rob:
I'm not gonna do that.

Jon:
Let's go, man. Let's ese it.

Rob:
Jon, you're out of your mind.

Jon:
Am I?

Rob:
Yeah.

Jon:
Why don't you put your dong where your mouth is, a**hole? Let's see it.

[as Jon struggles trying to unbuckles Jay 2's pants to show dongs, Jay 2 has had enough]

Jay 2:
[bleep] you for being [bleep] to me behind Jon's back. I didn't steal your bullet. And, Jon, no one asked you to wash my dick.

Jon:
Yeah, well, no one asked me to stop, either.

Jay 2:
I wish I'd never jumped in front of that bullet. [to Jon] And I wish it was you in this chair.

Jon:
[surprised] How dare you. How...dare you! I dedicated my LIFE to you. You think I like washing that dong? I have to make myself numb to the world to do it. Where's my thanks? Where's Jon's gratitude? Who's washing Jon's dong? Nobody.

[one of Jay 2's feet start to move]

Jon:
Oh, my god, Jay, Jay, you're moving.

Jay 2:
I know. I'm trying to kick you in the balls to get you to shut the [bleep] up!

[Kim does the wedding for Jon while he's in a coma]

Father:
Kim, do you take Jon to be your lawfully wedded husband -- To have and to hold, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health?

Kim:
I do. Oh, um, I made this out of a piece of your ski mask. [puts the black cotton ring into Jon's finger]

Father:
Jon, do you take Kim to be your lawful--

Jon:
No.

[Jon finally starts to wake up from a coma]

Kim:
Jon? Jon!

Neal:
Kim?

[Neal arrives]

Kim:
Neal?

Neal:
Hey.

Jon:
Neal?

Neal:
Jon?

Jon:
You're thick-cut Neal?

Kim:
Neal, what are you doing here?

Neal:
I've come to ask for your marriage. I know the timing isn't great but, uh, I thought Jon would still be in a coma.

Jon:
Yeah, well, guess what? I'm not in my coma, so maybe you should, uh, hey, uh, guy in the flute, would you, uh, take a break? Take five.

[Flute Guy stops]

Jon:
Like I was saying, why don't you get out of here?

Neal:
I don't understand. That black guy with the blond hair called me a couple months ago and told me to give you a call.

Kim:
Mighty Joe Jon?

Neal:
Yeah. That's why I got in touch with you in the first place. He said it would be a great season final moment if I ask you to marry me. Told me to go all out. So I got the flute player and the hawk.

Kim:
What hawk?

Neal:
It flew away on the way over. It was gonna fly the ring over to you. It was in its talons.

Jon:
Wow, that's too bad, man. That sounds awesome. That would've been cool.

Neal:
Anyway, um, Mighty Joe Jon led me to believe that you and Jon were through, but, uh, if that's not the case, I'll leave you two alone.

Jon:
Yeah, and take your flute man, get out of here. Go look for that hawk. Feed him your thick cut. I got thin cut right here, man -- Deli thin. [laughs]

Judge Carol Chen:
So...we're here to dis...cuss the parental right for David. Is that right?

Bryce Grieke:
Yes, that's right. My client is seeking a legal emancipation from his father, who has a dishonest and dangerous influence on this young man.

Judge Carol Chen:
Do you have evidence of this?

David:
Absolutely.

Bryce Grieke:
Exhibit A. This is a pair of what Jon refers to as bone phones. These are for David so that he cannot hear his father having sex.

Jon:
Seems pretty considerate, your honor. I am very loud when I bone. [moans passionately]

Judge Carol Chen:
Fine. Thank you.

Jon:
[still moaning] Oh, yeah! Suck that.

Bryce Grieke:
That's what the bone phones are for.

Judge Carol Chen:
Mm-hmm.

Bryce Grieke:
Mm-hmm.

Bryce Grieke:
This is Exhibit B right here. This is the fully customized potato skins bar that caused --

Jon:
Boom!

Bryce Grieke:
Yeah.

Jon:
Check it out! That thing is mint.

Bryce Grieke:
Maybe.

Jon:
Cherry.

Bryce Grieke:
Well, the issue here is that the bulk of Jon's fortune comes from an insurance policy which was willed to David by his late mother. So, legally, Jon can only spend that money if it's to provide care for David. Now, I don't see how that's accomplished with a, uh...customized potato skins bar.

Jon:
Your honor, may I approach the bench, please?

Judge Carol Chen:
There's no bench.

Jon:
May I have a side bench, please? Side bench. Your honor, I'm sorry. Look, we both know how justice works in Chinesetown, and I think we need to move this along so we can all Wang Cho tonight. Right?

Jon:
So, um, I will respectfully bow to any verdict you lay down for either side so that we may nip this case in the bud.

Judge Carol Chen:
I rule in favor of the plaintiff.

Jon:
Yeah.

Judge Carol Chen:
I grant full emancipation, and that includes all finances.

Jon:
Tough break, guys. Maybe next time.

Judge Carol Chen:
I rule in favor of the plaintiff.

Jon:
Plaintiff.

Bryce Grieke:
No, D-David brought the complaint.

Judge Carol Chen:
[to Jon] You're the defendant.

[Pete comes by at Jon's bar to say some serious news about Susan Shapiro]

TB:
[to Jon] Benedict Arnold -- 12:00.

Jon:
What are you doing here? None of us are cold. We don't need any warming up around here.

Radio:
[audience laughter]

Pete Fontaine:
I know.

Jon:
Then get out. I fired you.

Pete Fontaine:
Look, Susan told me there's nothing going on between the two of you, alright? Otherwise, I would have never made a move. In any case, we broke up. Being with her just...got to be too annoying.

Jon:
[scoffs] Tell me about it.

Pete Fontaine:
No. No, Susan's great, okay? S-She's smart and savvy, and she's just a sweetheart. It's just...every time we were together, your name kept coming up. Jon's such an a**hole. Jon's so annoying. Sorry -- I have to cancel dinner plans because I have to go to set 'cause Jon's being a baby again.

Jon:
But your point is that my name kept coming up.

Pete Fontaine:
No, Jon. I came here to say [bleep] you on behalf of Susan, alright? Me? Me? I'm -- I'm gonna be fine. I'll meet somebody else. I-It's not me who's had her love life destroyed because she constantly has to babysit some selfish, smug, whiny, petulant, egomaniacal, manchild, douche bag a**hole! You -- You don't need a warm-up guy for your life, Jon. You need God to come down from heaven and apologize to everyone for screwing up so bad when he made you!

Pete Fontaine:
You know what? You know what? Do us all a favor and let the Mirminskys kill you already.

[Qi-Qang approved that message while playing the track laugh effect on radio]

Jon:
Somebody is taking my voice and making dance music with it.

Susan Shapiro:
Right. I know.

Jon:
Oh. Good. So your lawyers have sent a cease-and-desist letter?

Susan Shapiro:
Why would we do that? It's huge in Russia. As of last week, Bone Zone was number 7 on the charts. The kids out there know this show because of the Mirminskys, and they love to dance. It's a no-brainer.

Jon:
Oh, so then the royalty checks are in the mail, or do I get direct house?

Susan Shapiro:
No, you're not getting any money from the song.

Jon:
What?! [scoffs]

Susan Shapiro:
Jon. The network owns the rights to Delocated!, so any and al things you say when the cameras are rolling belong to the network. Same goes for the songs. Meat Suite, Bone Zone, Rage Cage -- Any profits go to the network.

Jon:
This is bull [bleep]. You guys are taking advantage of me and my golden pipes.

Susan Shapiro:
I'm sorry that you feel like that, but it's clearly stated in your contract.

Jon:
Now, you listen here, Suzie Q! People watch this show to hear what I have to say. You got it? If I'm not getting a percentage of that, then I'm not talking. Good luck cashing the royalty checks without any Bone Zones coming out of this mouth. I'm on a silent strike.

Susan Shapiro:
Fair enough. You do whatever you feel you need to do. But be advised -- The network now owns the rights to the phrase, Silent Strike.

[Jon was about to say something else, until he realizes that he learns to shut up 'cause he already knows what the network gonna do next]

[Jon wakes up while wearing a baseball girly shirt on]

TB:
P.J. McTouchdown's! Touchdown, everybody!

Jon:
[sees his favorite team shirt on] Whoa. When'd this happen?

TB:
Seriously? Well, I guess I'm not surprised. Outside of a few coerced interrogations, I've never seen a human being drink so much.

The Glaze:
Let's see if this triggers anything. The night began as a public-impulse therapy session at the local watering hole. Remember?

[Jon's flashback intensifies]

Jon:
WHOO! SHOTS! Hey, man. Let's get some more shots. WHOO! SHOTS!

[Jon's memory ends]

Jon:
I don't remember any of this. Did me and Eun Mi hook up?

The Glaze:
No, but there were plenty of tits.

Jon:
Whose tits?

TB:
You don't remember the tits?

Jon:
No. What are you talk-- What?

[Jon's flashback intensifies]

Jon:
Oh, "Ladies done gone nuts" crew in the house!

The Glaze:
Jon, remember this is still a session.

Jon:
Hmm?

The Glaze:
Impulse therapy.

Eun Mi:
Oh! Oh, if you do it, I will do it.

The Glaze:
COME ON, JON! BE IMPULSIVE!

Jon:
[to the crew] Hey! Hey! Over here! Over here! Check this out!

[Jon removes his ski mask in front of the camera after putting it back on]

[Jon's memory ends]

Jon:
I flashed my face?!

The Glaze:
Yes.

TB:
What happened?

The Glaze:
Frankly, I think it was positive. Think about when you pass gas, Jon. That's your body releasing pressure. Well, flashing your face is like opening a psychological exhaust valve.

TB:
This is not a psychological fart. This is a major security fart.

Jon:
Hey, everybody, stop calling my face a fart.

[TB waterboards Yvgeny]

TB:
Drink up.

Yvgeny:
Vodka board me all you want! I'm not talking!

TB:
Oh, yeah? Here you go. Take some more.

Yvgeny:
Knock, knock? Who's there? Ima Ima who? I'M A CHAIRMAN OF THE VODKA BOARD!

[Mishka comes by]

Mishka:
Oh, hey! A vodka party. I drink next?

Greg DiPietro:
If you know anything about where Sergei might possibly have gone, you had better start talking unless you want me to reconsider your plea deal.

Yvgeny:
No Mishka! Don't tell them!

Mishka:
Maybe there's place they could have gone. But I'm not supposed to talk about.

Greg DiPietro:
What place?

Mishka:
Well...

Susan Shapiro:
No, no! Don't say anything, Mishka! [to Greg] And I don't mean don't say anything until you talk to your lawyer. I'm saying don't say anything because I'd rather show a clip. We have a saying in tv -- Show, Don't Tell.

[cuts to the next scene where they show a clip Yvgeny telling a secret to Mishka about their next plan]

Yvgeny:
Mishka. Don't forget to lock up when you're done here.

Mishka:
Okay.

Yvgeny:
Oh, and I need you to clean safe house. Uh, you know where safe house is?

Mishka:
No.

Yvgeny:
I probably shouldn't tell you about it, but it's dirty. And who are you going to tell? Your broom? [laughs]

Mishka:
[laughs]

Yvgeny:
I'll leave directions downstairs. Don't tell Sergei I told you.

Mishka:
No, no. I will lock door and throw away key.

[footage ends]

Mishka:
Three blocks down. Make right. Third door on the right.

TB:
Get him out of here!

Greg DiPietro:
I want a sniper team on this. You have a green light. Shoot to kill. T.B., that includes Jon.

[TB gets back to waterboarding Yvgeny]


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