Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

[after Elke Sommer got bitten by the werewolf version of Stewart, she turns into another Stewart]

Stewart:
Oh, no. No! It can't be!

Elke Sommer:
[Stewart's voice] Look at me! Don't you see? Don't you get it? Why, it must be because I got aroused -- Just like when your mustache grows in. I'm a Were-Lawrence! A Were-Lawrence! Help me, Stewart! You got to help me, can't you?! Hold me! Please, you got to hold me!

Stewart:
Uh...

Elke Sommer:
Aww, you fool! Don't hand me "Uh"! I'm cursed! Now, hold me, will you? Yes, Stewart. That's better. You do love me. Kiss me! You got to, can't ya? [smooches]

Stewart:
Ew! Ugh! Quit all this! I can't make love to myself -- Not when there's two of me!

Elke Sommer:
Aw, stop all that guff! I'm still your Elke. It's me. Can't you see? Stewart, you love me. [cranky singing] Let's blame the moon, it's just a stupid planet --

Stewart:
Aw, stop it! Stop it, you ugly, pathetic fool!

Elke Sommer:
Oh, Stewart.

[Elke Sommer turns back to her normal self]

Stewart:
[grows his mustache] Say, now that's more like it, baby!

[as Stewart was about to kiss Elke Sommer, she then turns into Stewart again]

Stewart:
Oh, forget it!

Elke Sommer:
Say you still love me, Stewart. Tell me you can see through my curse. See the real me, my love! Yes, I am a Were-Lawrence, but most of the time, I'll be Elke Sommer, the most beautiful woman in this entire world!

Stewart:
[grows his mustache]

Elke Sommer:
I'll only be you when I'm sexually aroused.

Stewart:
[ungrows his mustache]

Stewart:
Oh, I do love you, Elke. I really do. You're sweet and understanding and calm and funny and lovable and sexy.

Stewart:
Just not when you're me. But you still love me, so at least you can kill me. Here -- Take this gun. It's got silver bullets. Kill me!

Elke Sommer:
I can't, Stewart!

Stewart:
You must! Kill me!

Elke Sommer:
Stewart!

Stewart:
Ah, do it, you idiot!

[as Elke shoots Stewart with a silver bullet, nothing happened]

Stewart:
You don't love me?

Elke Sommer:
You rejected me! Oh, I don't know how I feel!

Elke Sommer:
I think we should consider couples counseling.