Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Victor Frankenstein:
Yes, what's so dramatically urgent now, Death?

Death:
Oh, no, it's not dramatic. It's...GRAAAVE.

Victor & Polidori:
...

Death:
The time has come!

Victor Frankenstein:
[chuckles] Time, sir? I drank an immortality serum, remember? So when you say "The time has come" to me, you may as well be speaking backwards japanese in pig latin.

Polidori:
Mm. With a stutter.

Death:
Yes, but your children, they did not drink the serum. They must move on the great beyond!

Victor Frankenstein:
Oh, of course they must. They're as old as the hills. Now, look, I am very busy man, s--

Death:
I don't think you understand. The next chance I get, your offspring will be going away with me, FOREVER.

Victor Frankenstein:
Uh-huh.

Death:
...Why do you hate me?

Victor Frankenstein:
Don't take it personally. I don't like anyone.

Death:
So you do hate me?

Victor Frankenstein:
I don't like anyone!

Death:
You don't give me the respect I deserve.

Victor Frankenstein:
Alright, look -- You're not a bad guy. You're just a goof, okay?

Death:
A goof?

Victor Frankenstein:
Yes, an irritating goof.

Death:
No one else thinks I'm a goof.

Victor Frankenstein:
Yes, because they are blinded with fear. Time has stopped for me. I get to see the real you, and...you're goofy.

Death:
Ha. Okay. That's fantastic. Yeah. Perfect! We'll see how goofy I am when you realize your children are gone for all eternity! I guarantee that THAT will leave a morbid impression upon your soul!

Victor Frankenstein:
Do you know what would really impress me? Get rid of that dracula guy. That dirty polack's B.O. is getting all over my bedsheets.

Death:
NO! Dracula stays. But your children come with me. [laughs evilly as he disappears]

Polidori:
In one ear and out the other with him.

Count Dracula:
[laughs maniacally] So, you thought you could get rid of me using that dastardly villain, Death! But you are once again foiled, Frankenstein! [laughs manically while turning into a bat and leaves]

Victor Frankenstein:
I am surrounded by dorks.