Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Victor Frankenstein:
Mr. Jefferson, what brings you here to somewhere in Eastern Europe?

Thomas Jefferson:
I want to alter my...um...John Adams.

Victor Frankenstein:
[tired] Terrific. Another pervert.

Victor Frankenstein:
What about something more challenging, like legs on your eyes or a feathered brain or something?

Thomas Jefferson:
Not sure that stuff is big with the ladies.

Victor Frankenstein:
Fine. We'll make your penis bigger.

[Victor grabs the big penis machine]

Victor Frankenstein:
Hop up!

Thomas Jefferson:
ACTUALLY, I don't want my penis bigger, per se. I want it replaced entirely with that of a negro.

Polidori:
Well, it's not an eyeball with feathers, but it's interesting.

Thomas Jefferson:
You see? I've noticed that when I force myself on my slave women, they look a little, well...unexcited.

Polidori:
Hmm. Curious.

Thomas Jefferson:
I think that perhaps the color and -- Okay -- Size of my member may not be what they're used to. Oh, please, Frankenstein, help me satisfy my slaves.

[Victor checks his "Famous Blacks From Everywhere and Always" Book]

Victor Frankenstein:
Alright, well, let's see.

Thomas Jefferson:
I want the biggest and the blackest! How about him?

Victor Frankenstein:
The inventor of peanut butter.

Polidori:
Not the most virile of occupations.

Victor Frankenstein:
How about this fellow? P. Diddy?

Thomas Jefferson:
P. Diddy? At school, that was the very word we used for "tiny penis". Next, please.

Victor Frankenstein:
Okay, um...how about him?

Thomas Jefferson:
Wilt Chamberlain.

Polidori:
Well, the name "Wilt" doesn't exactly inspire confidence, does it?

Thomas Jefferson:
Yes, but look at his feet. [laughing] They're huge!

Polidori:
[surprised] True.

Victor Frankenstein:
Please. The relationship of the foot and the penis are completely inconsequential.

Thomas Jefferson:
Doubt that. But anyway, Chamberlain's not even an indigenous name. We need to find someone fresh from deepest, darkest africa, with a name like Mbougwa or Gaba-Gaba-Gawlla or..

Victor Frankenstein:
BARRRACK OBAMA!

Thomas Jefferson:
Perfect! Ha ha! That one probably can't even speak english. Where is he?

Victor Frankenstein:
America, 2009. And I think you'll be surprised at his occupation.

Thomas Jefferson:
In 2009? Who cares? He's probably a space gardener or some robot's butler or something. As long as everything's big and black downstairs, I'm happy.

Victor Frankenstein:
Let's go, then! Ygor, pack our bags for 2009!

Ygor:
[childish] I was just getting to it.