Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Victor Frankenstein:
Mr. Jefferson, may I introduce Barack --

Thomas Jefferson:
[to Barack] Hey! It looks like you're out of a job. [chuckles] My poop went away all by itself. Carried it out of the house. Whoosh!

Victor Frankenstein:
Mr. Jefferson, may I introduce your country's 44th president.

Thomas Jefferson:
[to the bodyguard] Well, what an honor --

Barack Obama:
Right here, sir.

Thomas Jefferson:
...President?

Barack Obama:
Yes.

Thomas Jefferson:
...of the United States?

Barack Obama:
Yes.

Thomas Jefferson:
...of America?

Barack Obama:
Yes.

Thomas Jefferson:
[pauses for a couple seconds] ...on Earth?

Barack Obama:
Yes. Look, I agreed to see you as soon as I learned of your problem.

Thomas Jefferson:
Oh, yes, of course. Well, I'm glad you --

Barack Obama:
I can help you finish the constitution.

Thomas Jefferson:
The what's-to-who-tion?

Barack Obama:
The Constitution, sir. Don't worry. I've got it committed to memory.

[Thomas looks at Ygor disappointedly]

Thomas Jefferson:
[to Barack] Oh, yes, of course. Um...let's see. I was stuck on the opening. Um..."We the blah-dee-blahs"...

Barack Obama:
"People", sir. "We The People".

Thomas Jefferson:
Ah, yes. Perfect. Nicely done. Thanks.

[Thomas suddenly gets quiet]

Barack Obama:
Well, if that's all, I guess you'll be on your way, then.

Thomas Jefferson:
Yes. Goodbye!

Victor Frankenstein:
[coughs] Penis.

Thomas Jefferson:
Oh, actually, there is one more little thing.

Barack Obama:
Yes, sir?

Thomas Jefferson:
I, um...need your...um...

Victor Frankenstein:
Mr. Jefferson needs to graft your penis onto his body so he can better satisfy the black women on his plantation.

Barack Obama:
Your...slaves, you mean.

Thomas Jefferson:
Semantics.

Barack Obama:
Hmm. Okay, I'll do it.

Thomas Jefferson:
You will?

Barack Obama:
Yes. See, you're a founding father. All sides must come together and set aside their differences if we're ever gonna get anything done. For at this pivotal stage in american history --

Thomas Jefferson:
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Are you big and black?

Barack Obama:
Well, no one's ever complained about my size. But I must use full disclosure. My mother was white.

Thomas Jefferson:
Well, that makes perfect sense. Your mother was white. I -- [gasps] YOUR MOTHER WAS WHITE?! How did that happen?

Barack Obama:
It was consensual, sir.