Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

Victor Frankenstein:
Ah, Mr. Howard. What can I do for you?

Ron Howard:
I don't have fun getting off anymore. You see, I was so cute as a kid that I would just masturbate to my own reflection. It was easy.

Polidori:
Well, those days are surely over.

Ron Howard:
Yeah, and now I even strap hairy mirrors onto women while I screw them. Nothing works for me.

Victor Frankenstein:
[sighs] So you want me to give you hair.

Ron Howard:
No, no, no, no! I mean, that would be okay, but I want something else. I want...my youth back.

Victor Frankenstein:
Mr. Howard.

Ron Howard:
Cal me Ronny.

Victor Frankenstein:
Ronny? Trust me, you look like a "Ronald".

Ron Howard:
No, no. I don't like Ronald.

Victor Frankenstein:
Well, get used to it. You look like one.

Ron Howard:
No! I don't! I hate Ronald. I do not look like a Ronald.

[Victor shows him a mirror]

Ron Howard:
Okay, so I look a little like a Ronald. [puts a cap] How about now? Heh. Ronny, right?

Victor Frankenstein:
[disgust] Look at you. Grasping desperately at your youth!

Ron Howard:
Come on. I just want to be cute again.

Polidori:
Yes, do us all a favor.

Victor Frankenstein:
Alright! We'll need some of your DNA so we can clone you for extra parts.

Ron Howard:
Oh, well, here. I, uh, made some sperm while I was in the frankenhole.

Victor Frankenstein:
Ew! Get that away from me!

Polidori:
My, we are Randy aren't we?

Victor Frankenstein:
That's so gross.

Ron Howard:
Gross? I thought you were a scientist?

Victor Frankenstein:
Yeah, but not a *gay* scientist.

Polidori:
Ugh! Fine! I'll take it.

Victor Frankenstein:
This is how we get DNA around here -- The manly way. [pulls out a toothbrush]

Ron Howard:
That doesn't seem so manly to me --

[Victor aggressively brushes Ron Howard's mouth to get DNA]

Ron Howard:
STOP IT! CUT IT OUT!

Victor Frankenstein:
Give me three weeks for the cloning.

Ron Howard:
Three weeks? Three weeks?! Are you mad?! I can't wait three weeks! I can't live like this anymore, I tell ya! You don't know what it's like to live with this curse! Ohh, why can't you understand? [leaves]

Polidori:
[to Victor] Remind you of anyone?