Mary Shelley's Frankenhole2010

[Jesus and Death have a dinner conversation]

Death:
So, tell me, what's your secret?

Jesus Christ:
I don't know. I guess befriend people and they take me out to eat. It's easy.

Death:
Yeah, but, the way people just die around you...you're a natural. [chuckles]

Jesus Christ:
You know what it's called?

Death:
What?

Jesus Christ:
A coinky-dink, dumbass!

Death:
That's the technical term? How do you spell that?

Jesus Christ:
Here's how you spell it. "Boom" and "Boom". It's a coincidence.

Death:
I guess. I mean, it just--

Jesus Christ:
I'm not doing anything. I'm not killing them.

Death:
Yeah, not...directly.

Jesus Christ:
No, not at all. You think I'm out there stabbing people with a knife?

Death:
No, not exactly.

Jesus Christ:
What do you mean, "NOT EXACTLY"?!

Death:
Well, no, not at all.

Jesus Christ:
[chuckling] No, not at all. You're --

Death:
No, you don't really -- Are you not aware of your surroundings as much?

Jesus Christ:
I don't know what you're talking about. You know, people die. The end.

Death:
Alright.

Jesus Christ:
What is this place, by the way? This is not great. I'm great.

Death:
Yeah, but the view -- I mean, how it overlooks the cemetery.

Jesus Christ:
I overlook the cemetery.

Death:
W-What do you mean?

Jesus Christ:
LOOK AT ME! I'm -- I'm looking at it. What's more special than me about this restaurant, dumbass?

Death:
[drinks] Another drink, please.

Jesus Christ:
I'm better than drinking! [sees the two couples staring] I know -- Son of God.

Both:
What?

Jesus Christ:
I'm Jesus, Son of God. That's why you're staring at me. Thank you.

Skunk Woman:
We're...looking out at the view.

Jesus Christ:
... [tired sigh]

Jesus Christ:
[to Death] You know what? Let's get out of here. This place is creepy.

Death:
So sorry about him. [touches the waitress and dies] Oh. Whoops.