Black Adder the Third1987

Sally Cheapside:
Highwayman, I also have a jewel. I fear however that I have placed it here, beneath my petticoats, for protection

Blackadder:
Well in that case madam, I think I'll leave it. I'm not sure I fancy the idea of a jewel that's been in someone's pants. A single kiss of those soft lips is all I require.

The Duke of Cheapside:
Never sir! A man's soft lips are his own private kingdom. I shall defend them with my life.

Blackadder:
I'm not talking to you, Grandad.

Sally Cheapside:
[kisses him long and hard] Oh, I'm overcome. Take me with you to live the life of the wild rogue, cuddling under haystacks and making love in the branches of tall trees!

Blackadder:
Madam, sadly I must decline. I fear my horse would collapse with you on top of him as well as me!

Baldrick:
[appears next to Blackadder, wearing his harness] I could try!

Blackadder:
No Quicksilver, you couldn't.

Baldrick:
But that's not fair then. I've had you on my back for ten miles and I haven't even got a kiss out of it.

Blackadder:
Oh alright, very well then. [kisses Baldrick] All fair now?

Baldrick:
Not really, no.

Blackadder:
Teh, no pleasing some horses. Hi-ho Quicksilver.

Baldrick:
Neiighh!

Sally Cheapside:
[accusingly] Papa, you did nothing to defend my honour.

The Duke of Cheapside:
Oh shut your face, you pregnant junky fag-hag!