Cheers1982

[Sam & Diane visit Dr Finch-Royce for the umpteenth time]

Diane:
Dr., there's still one thing you haven't considered...

Dr. Simon Finch-Royce:
Ok; Sam, Diane, you two are perfect together. I'm sorry I made a mistake before but you are the most perfectly matched couple ever. But, why am I telling this to you? Let's share it with the rest of the world.

[opens window]

Dr. Simon Finch-Royce:
Hear this, world. The rest of you can stop getting married. It's been done to perfection. Envy them, sofa, envy them, chair, for you shall never be as cozy as they for their union shall be an epoch-shattering success and I STAKE MY LIFE ON IT. Wait a moment, let me get this on record

[talks into his tape recorder]

Dr. Simon Finch-Royce:
"I, Dr. Simon Finch-Royce, being of sound mind and body declare that Sam and Diane shall be happy together throughout all eternity and if I am wrong I promise I will take my own life in the most disgusting manner possible." Here, take the tape, NO, take the whole machine. It's my wedding gift to you. The most perfect couple since the DAWN of TIME.

Diane:
[turns to Sam] See?