Community2009

Annie Edison:
Jeff, you're in charge. I demand you deal with this.

Jeff Winger:
There's nothing to deal with.

Abed Nadir:
I'll say.

Jeff Winger:
Okay, all right, all right, everyone breathe. You know what this is?

Abed Nadir:
Yep.

Jeff Winger:
Shut up. This is a normal day with a bunch of friends who are done studying and a pen maybe rolled away.

Annie Edison:
Rolled away?

Jeff Winger:
Or fell down someone's shoe.

Annie Edison:
Let's check shoes.

Jeff Winger:
Annie! Fine, fine. Someone in this room is hiding your pen. Wanna know why? They feel terrible. They made a mistake. They waited too long to come forward and now they feel bad.

Britta Perry:
They should.

Jeff Winger:
Okay, okay. So, pen thief, we understand what happened, and we forgive you.

Annie Edison:
If you confess and apologize.

Jeff Winger:
Right, but here's the trick: Because this person now has no reason not to come forward, if by some chance, I get to the count of three and nobody comes forward, guess what. We have to accept that no one has the pen, don't we? [everyone makes a half-hearted agreeing sound] Don't we? [everyone makes the same sound again] Good. So here we go. One. Two. [Pierce raises his hand, and everyone points at him in an accusative way. Annie gasps] Pierce, do you have something to tell us?

Pierce Hawthorne:
Yes. Is it me, or has it become really obvious that Jeff took the pen? [different people agree with this at the same time]

Jeff Winger:
[angrily] You wanna make a bet, you jerks? Lockdown! Abed, seal the doors. Nobody leaves until this pen shows up.

Abed Nadir:
I don't like this.

Jeff Winger:
Yeah, tell it to the pen you might have. [Jeff puts his phone to his ear] Gwynnifer? Hi. Yeah, it's me. I can't make it. Well, tell your disappointment to suck it. I'm doing a bottle episode. [hangs up and throws his phone away]