Conan2010

Himself - Comic Guest:
The thing is, I think, you have to... you can't compare yourself to other people. That's another big, uh, trap for not feeling good. You know, 'cause you see other people, their lives, and you go "Why...? They... LeBron James, why does he get to...?"

[audience laughter]

Himself - Comic Guest:
Don't think about that, you know? Brad Pitt. Think about Brad Pitt. Imagine that. Brad Pitt. Great-looking, rich, famous, Oscar, sleeping with Angelina Jolie. Holy moly!

[audience laughter]

Himself - Comic Guest:
What did this guy do, pull a thorn out of God's paw?

[audience laughter]

Himself - Comic Guest:
Are his parents leprechauns? It's ridiculous! I did that joke the other night, some woman said "You're just jealous." Gee, you think? Yes, of course I'm jealous. What other reaction is there to Brad Pitt? Gratitude? "Hey, good for him! Finally, that guy got a break. Now I can focus on my own problems." Amazing life, though, Brad Pitt. That's gotta be, I don't know, one in a billion, to have that kind of resume, life. Wow. You think Brad Pitt prays?

[audience laughter]

Himself - Comic Guest:
[pantomimes praying] "Hmm... no, I'm good."