Coupling2000

Patrick:
It was just so embarrassing. I didn't know what to do.

Steve:
Happens to us all mate.

Jeff:
All of us, in our time, are visited by the melty man.

Patrick:
The what?

Jeff:
Don't say his name, Patrick. Don't even think his name or he will rise from the shadow dimensions to do his evil work on your terrified pants.

Patrick:
[chuckle] Terrified pants?

Steve:
[gravely] There's nothing funny about the melty man, Patrick.

Patrick:
[face falls] You know about the melty man, too?

Steve:
[in a "duh!" voice] We all know the melty man.

Patrick:
Who is he?

Steve:
The archenemy of trouser confidence.

Jeff:
Professor Moriarty. In groin form.

Steve:
Darth Vader

Jeff:
Without the helmet.

Patrick:
[terrified and shocked] What does he do?

Jeff:
Patrick, you *know* what he does.

Patrick:
[looks down] Oh right.

Jeff:
You're in bed with a woman. Everything's going fine. That's when the melty man strikes.

Steve:
Suddenly you find yourself thinking, "Maybe she's really bored".

Jeff:
Maybe you're licking her neck too much. Are you over-wetting her neck?

Steve:
Are you spending an equal amount of time on each breast? I mean, what if one breast gets ahead?

Jeff:
Should you be switching between them really quickly or should you squish 'em both together and do them at once [demonstrates]

Patrick:
[frowns]

Steve:
Or should you skip one breast completely just to save time?

Jeff:
She's wriggling about. Is that a good sign or is she just trying to dry her neck?