Home Improvement1991

Jill Taylor:
Why don't you tell us what's involved in the procedure.

Tim Taylor:
Yeah, I'm dying to hear this.

Dr. Kaplan:
Well, the morning of your appointment you'd have to shave in the area where I'll be making the incisions.

Tim Taylor:
[pointing at his crotch] Shave? Here?

Dr. Kaplan:
It's just a routine procedure.

Tim Taylor:
Not in my house it's not! What do you think, I wake up in the morning, brush my teeth, comb my hair, and shave Ping and Pong?

Jill Taylor:
Well, you could go to a barber but it might be a little awkward.

Dr. Kaplan:
The first thing I do is give you a shot that's a local.

Tim Taylor:
Local like here in Detroit?

Dr. Kaplan:
No local like here in your scrotum.

Tim Taylor:
Oh boy.

Dr. Kaplan:
That does sting for a few seconds.

Tim Taylor:
You think?

Dr. Kaplan:
Then I make two small cuts and simply divide and tie up the tubes. The discomfort is really very minimal.

Tim Taylor:
Yeah, why don't you tell that to the boys in the basement!

Dr. Kaplan:
You'll be back to normal in a few days. The only restriction at all is that you won't be able to drive home that day.

Tim Taylor:
What? I can't drive? Forget about it. [gets up]

Jill Taylor:
[gets up] Now, what do you mean "forget about it?"

Tim Taylor:
[gets his jacket] Honey, honestly I was really into it up till that point. The driving thing, that iced it. [opens the door]

Jill Taylor:
It's just one day!

Tim Taylor:
Look, it's bad enough to separate a man from his sperm, but to separate a man from his car - that's inhuman! [leaves]