Mystery Science Theater 30001988

Tom Servo:
[on the SOL bridge] What are you doing there, Mikey-drawers?

Crow T. Robot:
Yeah.

Mike Nelson:
Oh, I ordered us up the whole series of Ernest Borgnine's children's books based on the movie. I don't know, I thought it would be whimsical or something.

Crow T. Robot:
Well, bring on the whimsy, man!

Mike Nelson:
OK, well here's one called "Santa's Workshop of Shimmering Delights." That might be whimsical... [reads] Oh, man... Wow, well this isn't appropriate. Here, Aram the Elf's hands get scissored off in the sheet metal crimper.

Tom Servo:
[whistles] Ooh, yeah, that's unsavory, all right.

Mike Nelson:
Well, let's try this one. "Slow Bear's Woodland Picnic." How could that possibly... [reads] Wow! Holy cow! Slow Bear bashes in Charlie Chipmunk's head with a can of pork and beans!

Crow T. Robot:
Wow! That Borgnine is dark, man!

Tom Servo:
Hey, try "Fluffy Bunny's New Blue Suit."

Mike Nelson:
Yeah, that sounds completely... [reads] Oh, my... [looks like he's about to vomit]

Crow T. Robot:
What?

Tom Servo:
What?

Crow T. Robot:
[both he and Tom read and start to gag] AAAHHHH! THEY'RE EATING HIS LIVER! AAAAHHHH!

Mike Nelson:
[thoroughly disgusted] That's it, these are all going ba- [sees another] Oh, now look at this one! "Dr. Blood's Orgy of Gore!"

Tom Servo:
Augh!

Crow T. Robot:
Augh!

Mike Nelson:
What is with this guy, man? This is- [reads, looks puzzled] Oh, this one seems fine.

Crow T. Robot:
What?

Tom Servo:
What?

Mike Nelson:
"In a little, cozy hole in the ground there lived eight plump mice."

Tom Servo:
Yeah, whose eyes get poked out with upholstery needles!

Mike Nelson:
No, they get little sweaters and live happily.

Crow T. Robot:
Wow, weird.

Mike Nelson:
We'll be right back.

Tom Servo:
New sweaters, really?