Mystery Science Theater 30001988

Dr. Forrester:
Ah, it does my heart good to see Crow burnt beyond all recognition! Oh, Frank, it's time for this week's invention exchange.

[Frank enters crying, wearing two boards with an odd assortment of pills glued on]

Dr. Forrester:
Oh, accept the pain, Frank!

[to Joel]

Dr. Forrester:
You've heard the expression, "That's a hard pill to swallow"? Well, our invention exchange this week is just that - some hard pills to swallow. Uh, turn Frank. And cough.

[Frank does so]

Dr. Forrester:
[points to pill] See this pill right here? It shold be easy to swallow, shouldn't it Frank? Yes, it should be except for the three-pronged fish hook attached to it.

[points to another one]

Dr. Forrester:
This one - I'm not going to kid you - this is *very* difficult to swallow. It's a Not-So-Tiny Time pill, complete with a living gerbil.

TV's Frank:
[shouts] Terry, no!

Dr. Forrester:
Oh, Terry, yes! If you can keep this one down, you'll have a pet that knows you inside and out. If you have trouble keeping one pill down, try our pill necklace of piptric acid - one-hundred and five capsules on a string. Keep that gag reflex active 'til the cows come home - the longer it takes to swallow, the harder it gets.

[with evil glee]

Dr. Forrester:
Yes, and the children?

TV's Frank:
[shouts] Not the children! Aw-haw-haw!

Dr. Forrester:
The children love vitamin shapes, like, shaped like cartoons. Whimsical shapes! Whimsical shapes, and wouldn't it be hard for all those Flintstone kids if their favorite vitamin came... turn, Frank...

[Frank turns, revealing a life-size Fred Flintstone vitamin]

Dr. Forrester:
...life-size, hmm, hmm? Ball's in your court, Joel!