Pets2001

Trevor:
What you doing?

Hamish:
Shh! Can't you see I'm on the phone?

Trevor:
Who you speaking to?

Hamish:
No one. I'm held in a queue and will "be dealt with shortly"...

Trevor:
Oh, my god. You poor bastard.

Hamish:
At the moment they're playing the theme music from The Bodyguard...

Trevor:
The Bodyguard?

Hamish:
Yes... But interestingly, it's not the original version, it's a little-known cover version by a gentleman who sounds like a cross between Chris de Burgh, Barbra Streisand and Kermit the Frog.

Trevor:
F***! That's awful!

Hamish:
I know, but you are required to listen to the bastard thing in case someone at the other end answers the phone.

Trevor:
How long you been listening to that dog spangle?

Hamish:
Seventeen hours...

Trevor:
Jesus! Seventeen hours on hold?

Hamish:
They started off by playing Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Love in my Tummy...

Trevor:
[Groans in disgust] Do you want me to stay with ya? Or would you rather play out this long, godforsaken vigil alone?

Hamish:
I think I'm going to need all the support I can get...