Psych2006

Shawn Spencer:
Excuse me, I'm here for a class.

Clerk:
This class?

Shawn Spencer:
Yeah, I believe it starts in...

Clerk:
Five minutes.

Shawn Spencer:
Right, five minutes from now. I'm usually 10 minutes early, so I'm already feeling behind.

Clerk:
This class is for five- to eight-year-olds.

Shawn Spencer:
Yes. Yes, it is. And, uh, that's what I call...

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
Discrimination.

[points at the clerk triumphantly]

Clerk:
Discrimination?

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
Yes, and ageism.

Clerk:
Who are you?

[gestures vacantly to buy himself time]

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
I'm his lawyer.

Shawn Spencer:
That's right.

Clerk:
You brought a lawyer?

Shawn Spencer:
I keep a lawyer on retainer at all times. There is so much injustice in the world that you practically can't leave home without one. And apparently, today it paid off.

Clerk:
Right, okay. Well, I will see you in court, then. Now...

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
Perfect. Now I need a statement from you. And as we plan to try this in both civil and criminal court, I'll need the police here as well. Can I use your phone, or do you only let the white people use that?

Clerk:
Who said anything about white people?

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
You just did.

Clerk:
The words "white people" did not come out of my mouth.

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
There they are again. Luckily, I had my hand recorder on for that one. By the way, I am now disclosing that this conversation is being recorded.

Clerk:
Recorded? Okay, this is crazy.

Burton 'Gus' Guster:
Crazy? You wanna know crazy? I sued 300 businesses last year alone. I sued a hot dog cart and got everything but the wheels and the buns, which I won in the civil case two months later. Now, if you don't mind, before I start snapping evidence photos, I'm a little parched, so can you tell me which one of these fountains I'm allowed to use?