Saturday Night Live1975

[after listening to Bill Clinton's opinions]

Bob Dole:
Bill... you ignorant slut. Saddam Hussein is a boil that needs to be lanced, and we're gonna lance it! So why don't you and yourl little European pals just run along and have a garden party! Eat your sandwiches with the crust cut off, and watercress salad for dessert! Put on your tiny little swimsuits, frolick on the lawn! Throw a beach ball like a girl, explore the different aspects of your sexuality! And if you just step aside and let us - the British, the Spanish, and Australians - take care of business! While I've got you, here's another thing: Tell your Hillary to lay off my wife, Libby! She's a senator now! She doesn't have to take that kind of guff she's been getting from your old lady! Next time she comes home to in tears because Hillary's made some snide remark about her in the Senate cloakroom, or... she's rolling her eyes at my wife in a committee hearing, I'm gonna jump in my car, head over to the Capitol, and beat her like a rented mule! Don't think the Secret Service or Capitol police can protect her! 'Cause I know how to get the drop on her! I know every secret passageway, trap door and revolving bookcase in that building! Sooner or later, I'll get her alone! and, when I do, I'll kick her hippie behind like it's never been kicked! And by the way, I don't want to hear any more Viagra or Britney Spears jokes! I'm not ashamed of my commercial endorsements! I have a family to provide for, and... I didn't have the rich Hollywood friends buying me houses! The no-show job at Dreamworks! Or the $10 million advance on a book! Bob Dole doesn't have those things! Now, you look me in the eye and tell me that you've written one page of that book, Bill Clinton! You can't! Because you haven't written Word One! Because you are what you've always been: an indolent, borderline, sociopathic, hedonistic, sexual predator full of pointy-headed Oxford-bred socialism who would have us all dragged back to the era of Stalin, Mao, and Ho Chi Minh!