Scrubs2001

Dr. Cox:
[as Kelso sits next to him on the couch] What is it, Bob?

Dr. Kelso:
When the hell did patients stop respecting us? I really tried to help that young woman and she rolled over me like Enid's wheelchair over Baxter's tail.

Dr. Cox:
Uh?

Dr. Kelso:
Enid was recently paralyzed. I haven't told anyone.

Dr. Cox:
Mh.

Dr. Kelso:
Anyway, I couldn't handle the patients; so go ahead, take your shots.

Dr. Cox:
I want to, Bob, I really do; but my first patient today was a snot-nosed little punk who wouldn't let me give him a rectal exam unless I said "pretty please" first, and... I'm not just big on begging strangers to stick my hand up their butt, not even in my private time.

Dr. Kelso:
Remember when being a doctor meant that people would look up to you?

Dr. Cox:
Yeah...

Dr. Kelso:
Ah... when I first started out, I could take this old white coat out, get a free haircut or a nice table at the restaurant... and hell, I never once got a speeding ticket.

Dr. Cox:
People used to give me cards and gifts and sometimes even a pie just for doing my job.

Dr. Kelso:
Every mother wanted me to marry their daughter because I was a doctor... and I used that to sleep with all those mothers, because that's what "house call" used to mean.

Dr. Cox:
Those were the good old, incredibly disturbing, days, Bob. Today people think of us as drug-dispensing walking lawsuits who are in fact less informed than their Internet phones.

Dr. Kelso:
So that's what that damn thing was...

Dr. Cox:
I will tell you one thing, though: if you even want to have an outside chance of reaching someone nowadays you damn sure better speak from your heart.

Dr. Kelso:
Thank you, Perry.

Dr. Cox:
Blow it out your ass, Bob.