The Middle2009

Axl Heck:
Look, Mom and Dad should be the ones talking to you, but they won't 'cause they're lame, and they know nothing about relationships. I mean, if they did, why would they be with each other?

Sue Heck:
Axl, I'm sort of busy.

Axl Heck:
Here's the deal. You're being a huge dork. And this isn't even about your brace face, even though I have about fifty things I could say on the subject, but that's for another day. [tosses Sue's collage] How can I explain? Sue, when you started high school, you could have stepped it up and hung out with some cooler people, and maybe had a shot at a somewhat normal guy. But what do you do? You join Wrestlerettes.

Sue Heck:
I founded Wrestlerettes.

Axl Heck:
Making my point for me. Next, you date a hobbit, and never once stop to think how it will affect me. Before you do anything - anything - you need to ask yourself "How does this affect my super cool brother?".

Sue Heck:
I'm sorry, Axl, but Matt and I are going to be together forever, so get used to it.

Axl Heck:
You're nuts. Long distance relationships don't work for guys. We need our girlfriends right in front of us, and even that doesn't always work if they're standing next to their better looking friend.

Sue Heck:
Well, Matt isn't like other guys.

Axl Heck:
No argument there. But he's still a guy. [starts to leave] Oh, and, uh, just so you appreciate how nice I'm being, I haven't said a thing about your stupid headgear. And the things I have are good... and really funny. But I'm not saying them. Not even "Cage Match", which is my favorite one I came up with. So, yeah, you're welcome.