The Norm Show1999

Artie Henderson:
Listen, man, the lamp is just the beginning. Next thing you know she's going to start brining all this girly stuff over to your apartment, you know, like doilies, curlers, and salad. then you wake up one morning and you got a cat. Is that what you want? A cat?

Norm Henderson:
Nope, I don't want a cat.

Artie Henderson:
Then comes the ultimatum.

Norm Henderson:
Ultimatum? What ultimatum?

Artie Henderson:
Well, she's gonna want a commitment, so she'll saying something like, "I'm tired of the city, it's dirty, I need a change", you know, and you'll say, "You don't need a change, stay!" and she'll say, "there's nothing here for me" and you'll go, "Well, what about me?" and three months later you're married, hiding in the bathroom with a fifth of Vodka, wondering if you can fire a shotgun with your toe! [pointing down at one of Norm's feet]

Norm Henderson:
Eh, don't take this the wrong way, Artie, but if I ever married, you know, I might ask somebody else to do the toast.