The Thick of It2005

Malcolm Tucker:
[preparing Ben for going on TV again] Get him properly f***ing screen-tested! I'm sorry, mate, but you need a lot of powder. I've never seen anyone look so f***ing ugly with just one head!

Ben Swain:
No, I've lost my... erm... safety...

Malcolm Tucker:
Who was it that did your media training? Myra Hindley? It's terrible! All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra! It was like watching John Leslie at work!

Ben Swain:
Yes, I know all that. It just, kinda, fell away. It's like one of those dreams when you're wandering around Covent Garden with just a west and everyone's staring at you.

Jamie:
It was much worse than that. I mean, how many people see you at Covent Garden? A few thousands? Your meltdown was witnessed by 1.2 million people! That's more people than saw Al Jolson in his f***ing career! And that's Al f***ing Jolson!

Malcolm Tucker:
He loves Al Jolson.

Jamie:
The Guvnor!

Oliver Reeder:
Maaameee!

Jamie:
You take the piss out of Al Jolson again and I will remove your iPod from its tiny nano-sheath and push it up your cock! Then I'll put some speakers up your arse and put it on shuffle with my f***ing fist. And every time I hear something that I don't like, which will be every time that something comes on, I will skip to the next track by crushing your balls!