The Vicar of Dibley1994

[first lines]

David Horton:
Moving on. I have received an entry form for the Best Kept Village competition. Any thoughts?

Owen Newitt:
Yes, tear it up.

David Horton:
I beg your pardon?

Owen Newitt:
Months of effort and what would we win? Some pointless poncy piece of paper saying : Dibley, Best Kept Village.

Jim Trott:
No no no no, it's not just a bit of paper; it's a title, a trophy. It's a cheque for two hundred and forty thousand pounds, presented by the Duchess of Kent.

Geraldine Granger:
No, that's Wimbledon, Jim.

Jim Trott:
Yes, that is Wimbledon.

David Horton:
Oh, come on. We did all right last year.

Geraldine Granger:
We came fifty-fourth out of fifty-four!

David Horton:
Is that right?

Geraldine Granger:
Remember Denfield?

David Horton:
Well, how could one forget those poor people?

Hugo Horton:
Yes. Who would have believed a lorry-load of BSE-infected toxic waste would have crashed into a nuclear fuel tanker causing a crater two hundred feet wide and the evacuation of the entire village?

Geraldine Granger:
And they came fifty-third.

David Horton:
Point taken. [crumples the form] Let's forget it.