The Walking Dead2010

Rick Grimes:
[in the squad car over lunch] What's the difference between men and women?

Shane Walsh:
This a joke?

Rick Grimes:
No, serious.

Shane Walsh:
Never met a woman who knew how to turn off a light. They're born thinkin' the switch only goes one way: on. I mean, they're, they're struck blind the second they leave a room. I mean every woman, I ever let have a key, I swear to God. It's like, come home, house all lit up, and my job, you see, apparently, because, because my chromosomes happen to be different is that I gotta walk through that house and turn off every single light this chick left on.

Rick Grimes:
Is that right?

Shane Walsh:
Yeah, baby. Oh Reverend Shane is preachin' to ya now, boy. Then this same chick, mind ya, she'll b*tch about, uh, global warming. You see, this is, this is where Reverend Shane wants to quote from the Guy Gospel and say, "Um, darlin', maybe if you and every other pair of b*obs on this planet could just figure out that the light switch, see, goes both ways, maybe we wouldn't have so much global warming?"

Rick Grimes:
You say that?

Shane Walsh:
Well, the uh, polite version. Still, man, that-that earns me this look of loathing you would not believe and that's when the "Exorcist" voice pops out: [deeper voice] "You sound just like my damn father! Always, always yellin' about the power bill and tellin' me to turn off the damn lights!"

Rick Grimes:
And what do you say to that?

Shane Walsh:
I know what I want to say. I want to say "B*tch, you mean to tell me you've been hearing this your entire life and you are still too damn stupid to learn how to turn off a switch?" [laughs] You know, I don't actually say that, though.

Rick Grimes:
[laughing] That would be bad.

Shane Walsh:
Yeah, I go with the uh, go with the polite version there too, so...

Rick Grimes:
Very wise.

Shane Walsh:
Yes sir. So how's it with Lori, man?

Rick Grimes:
She's good. She's good at turning off lights. Really good. I'm the one who sometimes forgets.

Shane Walsh:
Not what I meant.

Rick Grimes:
[hesitantly] We didn't have a great night.

Shane Walsh:
Hey look, man, I may have, uh, failed to amuse with my sermon, but I did try. The least you could do is, is speak.

Rick Grimes:
That-that's what she always says: "Speak". "Speak". You'd think I was the most closed mouth son of a b*tch you'd ever hear her telling.

Shane Walsh:
Do you express your thoughts? Do you share your feelings and that kind of stuff?

Rick Grimes:
The thing is, lately, whenever I try, everything I say makes her impatient like she didn't want to hear it after all. It's like she's pissed at me all the time, and I don't know why.

Shane Walsh:
Look man, that's just sh*t couples go through. You know, it's, it's a phase.

Rick Grimes:
Last thing she said this morning? "Sometimes I wonder if you even care about us at all." She said that in front of our kid; imagine going to school with that in your head. Difference between men and women? I would never say something that cruel to her, and certainly not in front of Carl.