The Weird Al Show1997

Al:
[reads a book title] Thirty Seconds To Martial Arts Mastery. This sounds cool. [reads] To begin your martial arts training, look behind you. [looks]

Kuni:
[Kung Fu yell] Hello, little Sensei. My name is Kuni. I'll be your judo instructor for the next thirty seconds.

Al:
Oh, okay. Well, what do I...?

Kuni:
No questions! We are on a very serious schedule here. Now, the martial arts I am to teach you are only to be used for defense, not for attack. Let's begin. Attack me.

Al:
[pause] But you just said that...

Kuni:
I know what I said - attack me!

Al:
Okay... [Al charges at Kuni, but Kuni flips Al across the room] Well, that was kind of painful.

Kuni:
What did you expect? You attacked me.

Al:
But you told me to!

Kuni:
Ah. With pain comes wisdom, little wood tick. [He flips Al again]

Al:
Ow! Hey! That wasn't for defense!

Kuni:
Ah, but it was. You are my opponent, and as my opponent, I correctly assumed that at some time, you would attack me. Therefore, I can anticipate the need for defense.

Al:
[pause] I don't think I want to take judo from you.

Kuni:
But your training has just begun, little dung beetle. [His watch beeps] Oops, sorry, time is up. Course is over.

Al:
What? I didn't learn very much.

Kuni:
That is right, little cockroach. It takes time to master any skill. You did not learn because you did not study. YOU'RE SO STUPID! Bye-bye. [Exits]