Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One for the Road2006

Bill Engvall:
My wife goes, "Bill, you got too much stress," and I said, "I don't got any stress," and she goes, "Bill, you almost got kicked off an airplane!" Good point. Well, what happened was I got on this plane, it's an early morning flight, and they board us and I take out my Game Boy and start playing it while they are still boarding. Yeah, I know, Lord forbid I read a newspaper or Time magazine. I gotta get Scooter to Level 9! But I'm minding my own buisness, playing my Game Boy. All of a sudden, the pilot comes on. He goes, "Ladies and gentlemen, we're going to be a little delayed. They didn't put enough gas on the plane." Why would you make that announcement? Make something up! Tell me you ate a piece of bad fish and you got the runs, tell me *something*! Don't tell me we don't got enough gas on the plane. That's like number two on the check list for, "It's OK to takeoff!" Keys, GAS! See, the way the process works in my little brain is that the gas truck pulls up next to the plane, the pilot sticks his head out the window and goes, "Fill 'er up!" Yeah, I get the one pilot in America, "We're going to Vegas, give me 5 bucks, we'll be alright." There's nothing I can do about it, so I just keep playing my Game Boy. All of a sudden the flight addendant walks by and y'all, I might as well've been building a plutonium bomb. She *flips*, and she goes, "Sir, sir! You need to shut that off right now!" I'm 48 years old. Now all of a sudden I'm 6. "Bu-bu-bu... but if I shut it off, then Scooter'll die and I'll have to go back to Level 1!" And then she said it. She said, "Sir, do you know where the on/off switch is? [Rolls eyes] I said, "Ma'am, when I got up this morning, I didn't want to be jackass. You just pushed my jackass button." I said, "Yeah, I know where the on/off switch is. Do you know where the gas cap is?" And you know, a body cavity search isn't so bad if you just relax...