Archer, Season 5

Lana:
Okay, so, remember when you had cancer?

Archer:
[laughs] Um... uh, vaguely.

Lana:
Okay, well, we all thought you were gonna die. And one night you got really drunk and we almost had sex, and right before you passed out, you told me Malory had convinced you to freeze a bunch of your sperm at Dr. Feldman's office, and I was like "huh, weird." And then you didn't die, [Archer starts zoning out into a gradually increasing high-pitched tone] and a few years went by and I started thinking about having a baby, but I was single and all the other stuff aside, physically you're an amazing human being. And all the other other stuff aside, I do actually love you. And so here's this viable sample sitting there at Dr. Feldman's, whose security system is a JOKE, by the way, and so I guess it maybe wasn't the most ethical thing I've ever done in my entire life.... Uhhh... Archer? ...Archer? ...Archer?

[Archer snaps out of it]

Archer:
What's that?! Wait, wait... huh? What?!

Lana:
You okay?

Archer:
Yeah, sorry. For a second I thought I was just now coming out of a coma from when I drowned saving your life eight months ago. [Archer takes a drink] Lana? Am I just now coming out of a coma from when I drowned saving your life eight months ago?

Lana:
No.

Archer:
Hmm. Lana? Am I just NOW coming out of a coma from when I drowned saving your life eight months ago?

Lana:
No.

Archer:
Then, what are you... [Archer looks at the baby] Baby, what is she saying? Baby? Baby?! Baby?!?! [Baby holds up a finger as she nurses on Lana] M-meep...

Lana:
Sterling Archer...

Archer:
...Meep.

Lana:
...I'd like you to meet your daughter, Abbiejean.