Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

[At the bar in Nijmegen railway station, Dennis, Oz and Neville fight through the crowds looking for an agent]

Dennis:
There you go, Neville. Cream of the British workforce, eh? Gan get three beers. Heinekens. [Gives Neville some money and sends him to the bar]

Oz:
Bloody hell, where's this lot from? Must have laid McAlpine's off!

[As they walk through the bar, a Brummie with a motorbike helmet approaches Dennis]

Barry:
Hey, Dennis, innit?

Dennis:
Oh. Aye.

Barry:
Barry. Barry Taylor. Remember? We worked together.

Dennis:
Oh! Well, aye! [They shake hands] How's things, then?

Barry:
Oh, alright, you know. Was working back home on a... housing estate just outside Stafford, yeah. Bloke went bust.

Dennis:
Did he?

Barry:
So I came back here for the craic, like. Money, you know. Got to anyway, no choice is there?

Dennis:
No, there's not. [Starts to walk off, but Oz clears his throat]

Barry:
This your mate, is it?

Dennis:
Er, that's Oz. Oz, Barry.

Oz:
Alreet, pal? [Shakes Barry's hand]

Barry:
Hello!

Dennis:
We worked together once, yer kna.

Oz:
Aye. Alreet?

Barry:
Ah, another Geordie, right?

Oz:
Aye, well there's nar graft up wor way.

Barry:
Nor any place, is there? I blame Thatcherism, you know. Yeah, it's a misguided policy, you know, it's totally misguided and misconstrued. Mind you, the Labour Party's in such disarray I don't think the opposition offers much of an alternative or consolation, does it?

Oz:
Nah, I was just saying the same(!)

Dennis:
Where's the agent, Barry?

Barry:
Oh, there's a bloke called Pfister over there, looks a bit like David Kossoff with the bifocals.

Dennis:
What's the form? [While this conversation is going on, Neville is struggling to get served at the bar]

Barry:
Well, it's in his manifest - Frankfurt's best for brickies; Mannheim's mainly chippies, plasterers; and they want some electricians at Mönchengladbach. I fancy that meself!

Dennis:
What chance is Düsseldorf?

Barry:
I'd get in there sharpish!

Dennis:
Okay mate, cheers!

Oz:
Ta-ra.

Barry:
Ta-ra for a bit, see how you go! See you, mate. Ta-ra!

[Oz & Dennis meet Herr Pfister]

Dennis:
Herr Pfister?

Pfister:
Yes?

Dennis:
D'yer need any brickies for Düsseldorf?

Pfister:
[Checks his manifest] I have jobs for two only.

Dennis:
Aww, yer couldn't make it three, chief? Could yer?

Pfister:
Nein. For Düsseldorf, they want now only two bricklayers, also carpenters.

Dennis:
Oh, we're alright then, 'cos this lad here's a carpenter. [Points to Neville]

Neville:
[To Dennis] Dennis, I'm not...

Dennis:
Just get the beers in, Neville, okay? We're your lads, Mr. Pfister.

[Over a beer...]

Neville:
Dennis, man, I'm not a carpenter, man!

Dennis:
Did yer take woodwork at school?

Neville:
Well, yes, but I...

Dennis:
Right, yer a carpenter!

Neville:
I'll never get away with it.

Dennis:
Look, we promised to stick together, didn't we, eh? Now what's your Brenda ganna think if she thought I'd left yer in Mönchengladbach or somewhere?

Oz:
Well that's us, Nev man, the Three Musketeers, eh? One for all and sod the rest!

Neville:
Aye, but we all have could have gone somewhere else as brickies!

Dennis No, man. Look, Dusseldorf's the best place, kid, right? It's got the old town there, it's got all the good bars, man.

Oz:
Dennis reckons it's got the best brothel in Germany! Just think of the postcards you could send your lass. "Dearest Brenda, weather good. knocking shop fantastic!" [He and Dennis laugh.]

Neville:
It's not funny!