Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

[Dennis and Oz return to the hut after their first night into town, including visiting a brothel. Oz kicks a bucket over on his way in.]

Dennis:
[Whispering] Shut up, man, you'll wake everybody up, man.

Barry:
[In bed] Can you be quiet, please?

Oz:
Sorry, sorry, I kicked the bucket...

Neville:
[Still awake] Dennis?

Dennis:
Aye? Sorry, did he wake yer up?

Neville:
Nah, I wasn't sleeping. [Oz pulls up next to Dennis] Did yer have a good time?

Oz:
Oh, hey, it was magic. Magic!

Neville:
Did you go to the, er...?

Oz:
Why-aye, I did.

Dennis:
Oz and Bomber did. I gave it a miss, me.

Neville:
Where is Bomber?

Oz:
Ho, he's still there. I think he's bought a season ticket, Bomber.

Neville:
What was it like?

Oz:
Oh, Nev, it was fantastic. [Getting louder] I had this gorgeous tart, I mean, admit it, Dennis, wasn't she gorgeous?

Dennis:
Yeah, she wasn't bad.

Barry:
Will you be quiet, please?

Oz:
[Loudly] Ah, bollocks, man! [Slightly quieter] She was Eurasian, Nev, yer kna... or somewhere like that. But, I mean, let's face it, yer don't get the chance with birds like that back home, do yer? I mean...

Neville:
Was it, like, different, was it?

Oz:
Cor! Tell you one thing, mate - sex is in its infancy in Gateshead.