Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Vera:
[Taking a sip] Mmm, lovely.

Brenda:
[Observing the bar] It's popular, this place.

Vera:
It's Saturday night, but you get a nice crowd in here, I often come in here wi' Alan [Vera's boyfriend].

Brenda:
Ooh, is Alan coming tonight?

Vera:
No, I thought just us girls. 'Ere, I'm glad you came, Brenda, I felt so sorry for the girl [Oz's wife Marjorie.]. I thought if we all had a drink, it might cheer her up.

Brenda:
What's she like?

Vera:
She's a bit, er... hard, I thought. But then, I mean you cannae blame her, she's never heard a word [from Oz].

Brenda:
Oh, we're lucky, aren't wa?

Vera:
How, pet?

Brenda:
Well, Neville and Dennis. Oh, I am aware of your situation.

Vera:
Look, I know what you mean. Whatever happened between Dennis and I, he'd never let the bairns go short.

Brenda:
How does she cope? Has she got a job?

Vera:
She cannae with the kiddie. Alan thinks he might be able to take her on on a part-time basis.

Brenda:
Oh, what does he do?

Vera:
Supermarket management. He's running the new one up on the Crestleigh estate.

Brenda:
I go in there sometimes, I must give him a bell for her.

Vera:
Do. He's quite senior, and pulls strings, so he thought three days a week, you know, part-time, might help her out.

Brenda:
Well it can't hurt.

[Vera notices Marjorie entering the bar with her hair done up and wearing a fake fur coat]

Vera:
Here she comes.

Brenda:
Is that her? It's not how I pictured her, somehow.

Vera:
Yeah, she's a bit obvious! [Waves] Hello, Marjorie!

Marjorie:
Hello, Vera! Eee, these boots are killin' us! [Takes her coat off and eyes up Brenda's Blue Lagoon] Ohh, that looks nice. Could do with one of them! [Sits next to Brenda] D'you mind?

Brenda:
Er, no...

Marjorie:
[Takes a sip] Oh, that'll do me!

Vera:
This is Brenda Hope, Marjorie.

Marjorie:
Hello, pet.

Brenda:
Hello, Marjorie. How are you?

Marjorie:
Better now I've sat down. [Shows off her high-heeled boots] I got these in the sale in Binns last January, I've never had the chance to wear them. D'you like them?

Brenda:
Yes, they're er... [Turns to Vera and raises her eyebrows] ...very attractive.

Marjorie:
They're supposed to be imitation ocelot.

Vera:
I like your hair.

Marjorie:
Me sister did it. She's sittin' for my Rod tonight, so she came 'round early, tried to make us look presentable.

Brenda:
Is Rod your little lad?

Marjorie:
Oh... Little devil, more like! He's got us run off me feet! [Lights a cigarette]

Brenda:
Aye. Well they need a father at that age, don't they?

Marjorie:
Not his, he doesn't.

Vera:
Have you heard from Oz, Marjorie?

Marjorie:
Ha!

Vera:
You've only just written, now. Come on, give him a chance.

Marjorie:
I've given 'im plenty over the years.

Brenda:
[Interrupting] Oh, here's the waiter. [He comes over]

Marjorie:
[Pointing to the Blue Lagoons] Three more of them, love.

Waiter:
Anything you'd like, love. Compliments of those gentlemen over at the bar. [A group of gentlemen at the bar raise their glasses.]

Brenda:
Eee! What a nerve!

Waiter:
Anything you want, that's what they said.

Vera:
Tell 'em thanks a lot but, er, we'll buy our own.

Marjorie:
[Gasps] Wait a minute, pet. None of us are flush, are we?

Vera:
I don't think it's worth it, Marjorie, if it means encouraging their attention.

Marjorie:
Ohh, they're not all that bad! One of 'em's quite tasty!

Vera:
Thank them for us, waiter, but we'll buy our own. [The waiter leaves.]

Marjorie:
Must have been the boots! They like boots, men. Don't they?

Vera:
Even so, I don't think it's a very good idea to encourage them. It's not what we're here for, is it?

Marjorie Well, no, but...

Brenda:
Our Neville will kill us if he finds out.

Marjorie:
Well, what d'you think they're doin' over there? They're not in a hut playin' dominoes, you know. They're out on the prowl.

Brenda:
That's not why my Neville went! He went 'cos we're saving for a house and he can't earn the same money over here.

Marjorie:
Oh, aye that's part of it, of course. But the main reason is to get away from home so they can act like a bunch of kids. When you're that far away, there's no questions asked, are there? Out of sight, out of mind.

Brenda:
Neville phones twice a week, every Monday and Friday without fail.

Marjorie:
No, but we weren't born yesterday, were wa?

Vera:
[Interrupting] Shut up, Marjorie! Brenda and Neville are a very happily married couple.

Marjorie:
Well, maybe he's the exception. I'm just saying that most of them, they're out there, they act like bunch of lunatics.

Vera:
[Seeing that Brenda has had enough of Marjorie, mouths] I'll handle her. [To Marjorie] We were thinking of having a curry in that new Indian place, Marjorie. Or do you have other plans?

Marjorie:
Oh, I don't like curry. Stays with us for days.

Brenda:
[Now fed up] I don't wanna be too late meself.

Marjorie:
I havvn't upset you, have I, pet?

Brenda:
No, whatever gave you that idea(?)