Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Neville:
What's got into you, Brenda? ...What do you mean "loonin' around"? ...Of course I'm in the bar, man! That's where the telephone is, isn'it? ...No, there's naebody here but Wayne and Barry playin' cards. ...Eh? Oh, hang on, pet... [puts another coin in the slot] Hang on, man!

[Wayne and Barry are indeed at the bar playing cards.]

Barry:
[To the barman] Two pils, please. [To Wayne] What about Neville?

Wayne:
[Looks at Neville] He ain't started his first yet. Too busy getting stick from the wife. I dunno, comes in here faithful every Monday, fistful of change, five minutes after the cheap rate starts, rings the missus, good as gold. Gets a verbal bollocking off her. I don't understand married men meself!

Barry:
I think I know the reason for this.

Wayne:
Oh yeah?

Barry:
Yeah, you have a deep-rooted dislike of women. [Wayne is somewhat taken aback by this] Which explains why you have no desire to form a permanent relationship. You're obviously the product of a broken home, right, where you're brought up by parents who fought all the time. [Wayne looks at Barry] I can see you as a child, lyin' awake until the early hours, listenin' to your parents fighting in the living room below. I think a thing like that scars a child for life.

Wayne:
Well I suppose it would, yeah.

Barry:
Bound to, innit? I thought I'd hit the nail on the 'ead!

Wayne:
So, erm... How comes my folks have just had their silver wedding, then? [Turns over a winning hand with his cards. Barry looks confused.] Don't be so put out, they're over the moon about it!

Barry:
No, no, you know, I'm chuffed for 'em. Really, yeah. Chuffed.

[Oz enters the bar, having fixed the broken radio he bought earlier]

Oz:
Got it workin'.

Wayne:
Oh yeah?

Oz:
Listen to this. [Turns it on, it plays loud music.]

Neville:
[Turns round, still on the phone] Turn that down will yer?

Oz:
Ah, bollocks!

Neville:
[Back on the phone to Brenda] No, pet! I'm not in a discotheque!