Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

[Torrential rain has brought all work on the site to a halt. In the hut, Barry writes a letter, while Wayne, Neville, Bomber and Oz play pontoon with a pack of lewd playing cards. Moxey is in bed with the flu.]

Barry:
[Looks outside] It's like a bleedin' quagmire out there, innit? [To Moxey] Reckon we'll be laid off?

Moxey:
[All stuffed up] Suits me. I'm not well. [Sneezes into a hankie.]

Oz:
Still ploatin' doon, isn'it?

Wayne:
"Ploatin' doon"? An' what's that supposed to mean, then?

Oz:
Yer kna... hoyin' it doon, man. Cats and dogs. It's pissin' down, isn'it?

Bomber:
At least that's English. It's easier to learn German than understand Geordie.

Wayne:
Look, are we playing cards or what?

Neville:
It comes from the French - "pleut". [Wayne rolls his eyes.] So, to "pleut" means "to rain" in French. At least, I think it does.

Wayne:
Yeah, well you're an educated man you are, Nev. O-Level in woodwork. Can't argue with that, can we(?) [Neville gives Wayne the two-fingered salute.] Do you wanna twist or buy?

Neville:
Nah, I'll stick with these, thanks.

[One of the Turks enters the hut to bring fuel for the stove. He leaves the door open.]

Wayne:
[To the Turk] Door!

Bomber:
I'll stick. [Gets up to shut the door.]

Moxey:
Brought up in a t-tent you were, Ayatollah!

Bomber:
Oh, leave the lad alone, we needs the warmth. [Shuts the door.]

Oz:
Right, er, twist us a seven. [Wayne deals a card] Nine. Perfect(!) [He's bust, he throws his cards to the table.]

Wayne:
[Turns over his cards] Eighteen, pay nineteens.

Neville:
[As he and Bomber throw their cards down] Can you believe his luck?

Oz:
[Noticing the Turk standing by the stove with the wood in a bucket] Just leave it down there, Ayatollah. We'll manage it. Just get out. [The Turk sets the bucket down and starts observing the game.]

Neville:
Pleuvoir - to rain.

Wayne:
If I'd known I was going to be put in with you lot, I'd have taken a bloody language course! I'd have gone to that place in Oxford Street, you know? The Berlitz School, and taken elementary Geordie for beginners! :[The Turk takes a keen interest in Neville's cards.]

Oz:
Hey, Ayatollah! That's all right. Sling yer hook. Get out! [The Turk finally takes the hint and leaves.]

Bomber:
Look at these cards. I must have killed a Chinaman.

Neville:
A lot of Geordie derives from Denmark. Scandinavia. 'Cos of the Vikings, see? They came over our way first.

Oz:
Well, they still do, don't they? They shop at Marks & Sparks!

[Meanwhile, Dennis is in the site office. Herr Ulrich enters.]

Ulrich:
Ja?

Dennis:
Er, just checking, Herr Ulrich, the lads were wondering what the possibility is of resuming work.

Ulrich:
[Taking off his raincoat] Very small. The forecast is continual bad.

Dennis:
Well, we don't mind working the weekend, yer kna, to make up for it.

Ulrich:
No, it's not popular with the German workers.

Dennis:
Well, can I just clarify one thing? I mean, we still get paid, don't we? I mean, the weather, that's not down to us, is it?

Ulrich:
Well, the weather's very English, I think.

Dennis:
Yeah, but we'd still get paid in England.

Ulrich:
Ja, but in Germany, you're self-employed. No work, no pay.

Dennis:
Well when I read the contract, it didn't read like that to me.

Ulrich:
No? Please, read the small print.