Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

[Oz and Dennis ruminate on the thefts in the bar.]

Oz:
Bad for morale this, Den.

Dennis:
What morale?

Oz:
Why man, the morale of our hut.

Dennis:
[Incredulous] The morale of our hut?! We're not prisoners of war, man, keeping a stiff upper lip in the face of adversity. Ey, you live in a dream world, you do, Oz.

Oz:
Well, what I'm sayin' is we're all mates, I mean, there's a certain sort of character to our group. That's it, we've got character.

Dennis:
You live with a hut full of overgrown adolescents who are either boozing or moaning. But if you think that's character... [To barman] Zwei Bier, bitte.

Oz:
Yeah, but we trust each other, I'll admit it. That's the point. That trust's in danger of... evaporating with a thing like this.

Dennis:
Hey, I didn't kna you put such store in trust, Oz.

Oz:
I do that. I mean without it, where are we? In the jungle.

Dennis:
So you're convinced nobody in our hut's a thief?

Oz:
Well, I kna. When yous were all havin' a shower, I went through everybody's locker.

Dennis:
You did what?!

Oz:
Well, somebody had to!

Dennis:
Hey, what about this trust you're on about?

Oz:
Well, It proves me point, doesn'it?

Dennis:
Hey, you're a queer one, you, lad.

Oz:
Well, not so much of the queer, mate. Anyway, cheers.

Dennis:
Cheers. ...You found nothin' then?

Oz:
I tell yer, the sum total of all our possessions wouldn't fetch a fart at a bring-and-buy sale. We're a pretty threadbare bunch, Dennis.

Dennis:
D'yer think we should bring furniture with wor, eh? Cushion covers, d'yer think that'll be good for the morale of our hut?

Oz:
Howay, man.

Dennis:
You're a big daft thing, you, lad.

Oz:
Hey, I'm shrewder than what you think. I was readin' this spy book, where this agent coats these secret documents with that special stuff, right? It's unseen to the human eye, but it comes up on your hand the next day. So, he knas which one of the passengers has taken the documents.

Dennis:
Passengers?

Oz:
Aye, they're on this boat, y'see, bound for Tangiers.

Dennis:
We're in a hut, man, we're bound for bloody nowhere!

Oz:
Look, it's just a simple lotion what oxidises. You can buy it in any chemist's or security store. Now, we could coat some cash, leave it lyin' around...

Dennis:
None of us have got any money.

Oz:
You won't take me seriously, will yer? I wanna nick this thief. He took my watch in case you forgot!

Dennis:
It wasn't a very special watch, was it?

Oz:
It worked underwater, Dennis!