Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Dennis:
[To Neville] Look, I'm not accusing you of anything.

Neville:
Yeah y'are, you all are! I come in here, it's like the Spanish inquisition! It's none of your business!

Dennis:
I think it is, bonny lad.

Neville:
But if I pinched Oz's watch, how much would that've fetched at the pawn shop?

Oz:
Ay, it was a canny watch, that, man!

Neville:
Oh, and I've just pretended to have me money pinched to cover up? Ohh, howay.

Dennis:
Look, just hear me out, will yer? Look, you are the last person in the world to steal anything, right...

Oz:
But yer have got money troubles.

Neville:
So?

Dennis:
[To Oz] Shut up! [To Neville] So, if you're desperate enough to get into hock, I'd like to know about it, 'cos I'd like to help.

Oz:
Well, personally I don't think he's got anything of any personal value...

Neville:
Oh, he still thinks I took his bloody watch!

Dennis:
Oz, don't be a prick all your bloody life! Take an hour off, will yer?

Neville:
Look, it's nobody's business but me own! [Frustrated, he sits on his bed.]

Wayne:
Listen, Nev, what Dennis says goes for all of us. I mean, if you're strapped or in a jam or something, we'd like to help you out. I mean, that's the word, innit, lads?

Dennis:
Absolutely. [The lads murmur.] Look, we're all in your corner, kid. [Sits on the bed next to Neville]

Neville:
What it was...

Dennis:
Look, you don't have to tell...

Oz:
Naw, let 'im get it off 'is chest, man!

Neville:
I met this lass, y'see. Nothin' special, but I didn't want to know 'cos I knew what you'd all think.

Wayne:
Who was she, then?

Neville:
Nobody you'd know. Anyway... I met her, right. And when I seen her yesterday, she gave us this present, er... a bit of jewellery, a keepsake, like. Then this mornin' I gets a letter from Brenda and... it just brought home how short wor are, or... how short she is, and then... so... I pawned the lass's present.

Oz:
Oh, charming(!)

Wayne:
Leave it out, Oz!

Neville:
I know it wasn't a very nice thing to do, but like you say I was strapped. I got twenty-five quid for it, and that's nearly what I had pinched. It's one way of lookin' at it, isn'it?

Dennis:
[Happy with Neville's explanation] Right. That's all that sorted out! Let's all go over to the greasy spoon, eh, and drink to this satisfactory conclusion. [To Oz, sarcastically] Eh, good the the morale of our hut? Eh? [The lads make their way out, except Wayne and Neville]

Wayne:
Here, Nev. You gotta get that thing out of hock. Sentimental reasons, innit? Look, I'll loan you the readies, and you pay me back.

Neville:
Ah no, no.

Wayne:
No, you're all right. How about tomorrow lunch? You on?

Neville:
Well, I do feel a bit bad about it. But... I couldn't give it to Brenda! Where would she think I got the money from?

Wayne:
Later. I mean a birthday or something. Coming, then?

Neville:
Yeah. Cheers, mate.

Wayne:
All right! Coming down the pub?

Neville:
[Getting up] You would've liked her, Wayne.