Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Dennis:
Right, lads! I reckon we should go down the club.

Wayne:
Eh, hold on! What are we gonna do about Tracy, eh? We can't take her down the club! Apart from six geezers and one bird, lookin' a bit dodgy, mate! She can probably drink us right under the table!

Dennis:
I know, and that's exactly, why you're gonna stay here and look after her.

Wayne:
ME?!

Neville:
Wayne?!

Dennis:
Yes, Wayne. Look man, you've got much more in common with her than anybody else. I mean things like, er, music.. and hair... earrings...

Neville:
Hold on, Dennis. I don't mean to be rude, but is Wayne really the right bloke to be babysitting a sixteen-year-old girl?

Barry:
Yeah, it'll be like putting the rat in charge of the cheese larder!

Wayne:
I don't know whether or not to be flattered or insulted by you lot!

Dennis:
Look man, I can't do it, can I? I'm old enough to be her father. I mean, Neville, he'd be the obvious choice, but he's going out again, isn't he? I mean... Barry and Moxey would bore the poor girl to death with their herb talk, wouldn't they, eh? And guarding a bog door's about the limit of Oz's responsibility! So that just leaves you, son!

Wayne:
Yeah, well I can see your reasoning, Den, but look, you can't have helped but notice that Tracy's a bit of a... you know, she's a little bit of a come-on, isn't she?

Dennis:
Yes, I know! And who better to cope with her than a man of the world like you, Wayne, eh?

Moxey:
I've got it. It's like them American TV films in there, you know? Where they get an ex-con to go after with the bad guys. 'Cos he's the one who knows how they think.

Dennis:
Moxey, you've just hit the nail on the head, son!

Wayne:
Oh, well thank you for that tribute, Moxey(!) ...So you all trust me then, is that it?

Dennis:
Course we trust you. Look, I mean... You know that she's Bomber's daughter, don't you?

Wayne:
Yeah...

Dennis:
And you know that we've put our complete trust and faith in you? And you know that, er, if you lay so much as one finger on her, we'll have your plums on a skewer.