Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Waiter:
Guten Abend.

Bomber:
Oh, table for seven... [Holds up six fingers and a thumb] Seven, eh?

Waiter:
Seven. Moment. Ich hole... (I get...) [Goes off.]

Oz:
Just pull the tables together, man. [He pulls two tables together and they all take their seats.]

Tracy:
[To Bomber] Just like that one in Taunton, isn't it, dad?

Bomber:
Very nice. Very nice.

Wayne:
[To Moxey] Hey, I tell you what, we should get Barry a vindaloo, eh? That'll get him back on the old beer.

Moxey:
Get 'im back on the portaloo an' all! [They all laugh. Except Barry.]

Barry:
Ha-ha. Very funny(!)

Dennis:
Right, listen, Oz, I'll handle it this time, okay? We don't want your Give Us a Clue routine upsetting the waiter. All right, Lionel?

Oz:
All right. All right. Well, let's get him out. [Calls out] Hey, Sabu! [A waiter enters... it's Neville!] Bloody hell, it's Clive of India! [Everyone turns and looks at Neville]

Dennis:
Whoa! I've heard of the northwest frontier, but never the northeast!

Wayne:
[Laughs] That's what you've been doing, eh? Starring in Aladdin!

Neville:
[Not amused] Aye, aye. Go on. Get 'em all over with!

Bomber:
Oh, I should think we've only just started, boyo. [They laugh.]

Dennis:
[Singing] Oh doctor, I'm in trouble...

All:
Goodness gracious me!

Neville:
[Angry] That's right! Aye, have a good laugh! Just 'cos I show a bit of initiative and get meself a part-time job!

Dennis:
What on earth is Brenda saving for to reduce you to this, eh?

Neville:
Well, if you must know, it's our fifth wedding anniversary later this year. I thought it'd be nice if we had a second honeymoon.

Wayne:
Dressed like that, eh? Lovely?

Neville:
Give it a rest, Wayne, man, will yer?

Oz:
So where were you thinkin' of goin'? New Delhi?

Neville:
Dunno. Probably the same as the first time - Minorca.

Oz:
I still dunno where Minorca is.

Neville:
How do you think I feel? Neither do I!

Dennis:
How much do ya need, then?

Neville:
That's just it, I've nearly got enough, Dennis. I'm just seein' out the week. I never thought you lot would find out.

Dennis:
Well, I tell you what, you get the order right tonight, we'll all put a good tip in, won't we, lads?

Oz:
Oh aye, aye, aye. Now that we've got that... [Cracks up] ...Now that we've got that sorted out, can we have a bit of service, Gunga Din?

All:
[Laugh. Then they start singing again as Neville gives them their menus] It goes boom diddy, boom diddy, boom diddy, boom diddy, boom diddy, boom diddy, boom boom boom!

Wayne:
[Shouts out as Neville makes for the kitchen] New lamps for old! New lamps for old!

Oz:
Hey! Neville! Have they got any, er, chicken? [Squawks and flaps his elbows as a humiliated Neville retreats into the kitchen]