Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Dennis:
Hello, pet. [Enters the room. Brenda closes the door.]

Brenda:
Oh, Dennis!

Dennis:
[Hugs Brenda] I know, I know! There's no need to fret. It's all over with. He's a free man.

Brenda:
What?

Dennis:
Well, he's concluding formalities, but all charges are dropped. They got the other bloke.

Brenda:
Honest?

Dennis:
Don't look surprised! You don't think Neville did it, did ya?

Brenda:
No, of course not.

Dennis:
[Sits on the bed] Oh, hey, some of our German friends, they found the bloke and turned him in. I think they extracted their own confession. He didn't look to healthy!

Brenda:
[Sits next to Dennis] Well, what exactly happened, then?

Dennis:
Well, er... this bloke, you see, he was like the boyfriend. Well, he got the needle when he saw...

Brenda:
Neville take her home.

Dennis:
Well he [her boyfriend] beat her up, you see. Then the police saw her condition and she fingered Nev.

Brenda:
He did take her home, didn't he?

Dennis:
Look, Brenda, the point is...

Brenda:
That is the point, Dennis! Of course I knew that Neville didn't do the things they said he did. But he took that girl home! He went with her!

Dennis:
He didn't! Look, she imposed herself on him. She shared his cab. [Brenda stands up to put her coat in the wardrobe] Look, you know young Neville, he's so polite he'd give Hitler a ride! You're gonna make me very angry, Brenda.

Brenda:
I what?

Dennis:
If you can't see how much that lad cares for you, you're a very silly lass! He cares so much it hurts! It hurts him to be away from home. It hurts every minute he has to spend over here, sacrificing everything he wants, so that you can enjoy something better in the future. Look, he's the only bugger in Germany who isn't on the pull!

Brenda:
You're his friend!

Dennis:
And you're his wife, and you don't seem to know that lad as well as I do! Look, the reason he got into trouble is because he didn't go with the girl! If he'd been like the rest of us he'd have gone, oh aye, he'd have done the business, she'd have been content. Nobody would have been none the wiser! But he's not like the rest of us. He gave her the elbow! She got vindictive. He didn't want to know. That's what happened!

Brenda:
...I suppose so.

Dennis:
...Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... sound off at you like that. It's just... well you two, you've got a marvellous marriage. And I appreciate that more than most because mine's down the toilet.

Brenda:
Oh, you're right, Dennis! Well, what happens now?

Dennis:
Well let's go and fetch the lad, eh?