Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Wayne:
'Ere, Den. Grunwald's looking for you. [To the barman] Bier, bitte.

Dennis:
Grunwald? What's he want?

Wayne:
Well, you know that nutter Magowan?

Barry:
Aye, he's a bit of a bloody headcase, he is, in't he?

Wayne:
Ahh, well apparently, he had a bit of tiff in a bar last night.

Barry:
Huh, a bit of a tiff?

Wayne:
I suppose "fracas" is a better word, really. Anyway, he put some Eric in hospital, and he's in the nick.

Neville:
Doesn't surprise me. He's a nutter!

Dennis:
Well, what's that got to do wi' me?

Wayne:
Well he must have given his employer's name, who rang Grunwald, who came down 'ere to tell us that it's our responsibility to bail him out.

Neville:
Ah?

Dennis:
Well, why us?

Wayne:
'Cos he's a Brit. Says the behaviour of the Brits is none of his business.

Dennis:
Well, it's none of my business either, is it, eh? He lives in the hostel, doesn't he, eh? He's not in our hut. Let 'im stop in the nick!

Wayne:
He's still a Brit though, ain't he, Den? And Grunwald sees you as top man, don't he?

Dennis:
Ahh, bloody hell, man! I'm not accountable for every mad man in Germany just 'cos they're British!

Oz:
Ah, he is a bit of a hooligan, him, like.

Barry:
Best place for him, innit? Bloke like that in the nick?

Wayne:
Trouble is... Grunwald reckons if we can't take care of our own, we can all ship out.

Dennis:
What? He said that?

Neville:
That's not fair! It's nowt to do with us!

Wayne:
I'm just tellin' you what he said.

Neville:
But... you mean it's him or us?

Wayne:
Yep. Either we look after it, or we can get the next boat home.

Dennis:
[Sighs] Bloody hell!