Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Oz:
Howay, Mac! Heard you had a bit of bother the other night.

Magowan:
I wasn't lookin' for any trouble.

Oz:
Nah, nah, that's usually case, isn'it? Er... d'yer wanna drink?

Magowan:
Yeah, I'll have a schnapps there.

Oz:
Schnapps, eh? [To barman] Two. Two schnapps here. [Magowan picks up a schnapps already on the bar and drinks it] So, er... when are you up in front of the beak, then?

Magowan:
Ah, some time next week.

Oz:
Well, probably be a fine, yer kna, or you'll get bound o'er or something.

Magowan:
You never know where you are with these Erics, you know. They're gonna stuff it to me, you know that, bein' a Brit, like, you know. They've thrown me out the hostel.

Oz:
Have they?

Magowan:
They're just waitin' for their chance. They're very, very vindictive, [Looks aggresively at another drinker down the bar.] your average Eric.

Oz:
Well, no. Let's... let's be fair. I mean, you can't really blame the Germans, can yer? I mean, live and let live. That's what I always say! I mean, yer average German's all reet. I mean, compared to a Turk, aye. [The barman looks on disapprovingly]

Magowan:
It was the Germans started that fight the other night. They provoked me.

Oz:
Well... that's probably disputable, isn'it?

Magowan:
Hey, whose side are you on, then?

Oz:
[Has a sip of his schnapps and coughs] Nobody's. No... I'm just sayin', I mean, it's not the first time it's happened, is it? Your record out here is not exactly untarnished.

Magowan:
Ehh, maybe. [Downs his schnapps in one. To the barman] Two more of them 'ere, you.

Barman:
Ja, ja.

Oz:
Cheers.

Magowan:
I mean... I'm no worse than most, you know. I mean... back on my own turf, like, you know, er... I'm a very popular bloke. [Oz, having drunk his schnapps, coughs] Leastways, no-one's ever said that they didn't like me, you know. Now and then I get a bit cantankerous, you know. Now and then.

Oz:
Yeah, but I mean how often's "now and then"?

Magowan:
Fridays.

Oz:
Oh, pay nights, like?

Magowan:
Right. [Downs another schnapps]

Oz:
It must be the drink, yer kna, Mac, with you. I mean, it's a demon with some blokes, yer kna.

Magowan:
You know this fight the other night? I just had about ten pils, you know, a few schnapps... [Downs yet another schnapps, while Oz sips his] so it can't have been the drink!