Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Barry:
Mmmmm. I enjoyed that flick.

Wayne:
Yeah, I always did like a good Chinese film with German voices(!)

Barry:
Ahh, it don't matter much with these martial arts stories, does it? No, it's the mayhem and the gratuitous violence that counts.

Wayne:
Maybe we should all take up karate, eh? That might get rid of you-know-who.

Barry:
Right. I, er... I often have fantasies about being Bruce Lee, don't you?

Wayne:
No. He can't sing.

Barry:
I'd really like to be able to, you know, chop a brick in half, smash it right in half. Wouldn't you?

Wayne:
Not a lot.

Barry:
It'd be great, though, wouldn't it? Just once to be confronted by bloodthirsty hooligans, and dispose of them with a few timely chops to the neck. I've always wanted to be able to do that. Especially after a Wolves game when I found meself hemmed in by hordes of rampant skinheads.

Wayne:
You constantly surprise me, you do, Barry. Eh? I mean, beneath that passive exterior beats the heart of a would-be ninja.

Barry:
Yeah?

Wayne:
Yeah.

Barry:
...What's a ninja?

Wayne:
A ninja? I thought you'd have known that. In your martial arts fraternity, none is more deadly than your ninja.

Barry:
Really?

Wayne:
Yeah. It's the ultimate, son. Just one look, right, can fill a man with dread.

Barry:
A bit like Magowan.

Wayne:
No. He's no ninja, son. A certifiable lunatic, he is.

Barry:
Ah, he's certainly kept us out of the hut, hant'he? That's my third film in three days.

Wayne:
[Looking out of the window] Ain't that Nev?

Barry:
Where?

Wayne:
There. [Outside, Neville walks past an adult cinema.]

Barry:
Aye, it is, innit? Yeah. Where's he off to?

Wayne:
Where's he been, more like it, eh?

Barry:
Aye, he's been very cagey these last few days, han't he?

Wayne:
I'm sure I've seen him come out of that place across the street there.

Barry:
What's place?

Wayne:
That one there, look. The porn cinema.

Barry:
No?

Wayne:
Yeah.

Barry:
That's weird, that is, you know, 'cos... the other day I caught Nev copying out an ad from a shop window.

Wayne:
Really? What ad was that?

Barry:
I dunno, but it was for things like flats and flagellation.

Wayne:
No.

Barry:
Ah, straight up.

Wayne:
Well, Nev's obviously found himself an outside interest, then, ain't he, eh?