Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Barry:
Where have the lads gone?

Magowan:
Down the pub, I should think.

Barry:
Did you, erm... have a nice time?

Magowan:
Oh, yeah. Nice time. Aye.

Neville:
Why? Did you have a fight?

Magowan:
What's that supposed to mean?

Neville:
Isn't that your usual way of havin' a good time?

Barry:
[Laughs nervously] It's just a joke, innit?

Magowan:
I must have got paralytic if my head's any clue.

Barry:
Where... where'd you stay, like?

Magowan:
Over the river there. I got this bird, see, I gave her a right seeing to. You would have been proud of me. [He notices the crates of beer] Christ! Miracles never cease, eh?

Neville:
[Stops in front of Magowan] That's for tomorrow night for the match.

Magowan:
[Pushes Neville away] You're not gonna miss a couple of bottles, are ya? [Gets a bottle from the crate and opens it]

Neville:
No, but we all chipped in for that. Did you?

Magowan:
Well, I never invited them! [Takes a swig]

Neville:
No, but they're our guests.

Magowan:
Look, I'll win that darts match for you, all right? Put some money on that, you'll get it all back.

Neville:
I want back what you owe me... what you owe all of us. [Magowan aggressively approaches Neville]

Barry:
[Backing away] Oh, I'm all right, like. I've got a bit put aside, you know.

Magowan:
You want what back, kid?

Neville:
Just... what you owe for the bail, like.

Magowan:
Look, if I'm gonna get a flat I'm gonna need that money, aren't I, as a deposit. That was all agreed.

Neville:
Well I never agreed.

Magowan:
Talk to that wet nurse of yours, you know, Patterson. He'll put you straight.

Neville:
I don't care what the others agreed. I want my money back.

Magowan:
Just drop it, will you?

Barry:
Nev, I think you'd better leave it. I think Mac's getting the needle.

Magowan:
I only get the needle when I drink.

Neville:
Dutch courage, you mean?

Magowan:
[Aggressively puts the bottle down and confronts Neville] Look, Geordie, if you wanna make somethin' of it, I'll bloody kill you. [To Barry] And that goes for you an' all, mate! [Shoves Neville] Got that?

Neville:
Don't shove me!

Magowan:
No? [Shoves Neville again.]

Neville:
Hey! [Shoves Magowan back. Magowan headbutts Neville and punches him in the stomach!]

Barry:
Oi, leave 'im alone! [Magowan goes for Barry, who backs off straight away, cowering. Neville coughs and retches, clutching his stomach. Magowan grabs his coat.]

Magowan:
Hey. I'll be back for the darts match. [Throws his empty bottle at Barry, who catches it, then leaves the hut.]