Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Nurse:
Kommen Sie, Schwester. Schnell! (Come on, Sister. Quick!) [They attend to a cantankerous, but very poorly, elderly gentleman.]

Sister:
Wo waren Sie denn? (Where have you been?)

Nurse:
Es war Doktor Schnabel. (It was Dr. Schnabel.) [Turns to the patient] Herr Irwin, bitte geben Sue uns, was Sie da verstecken. (Mr. Irwin, please give us what you're hiding.)

Hedley:
Das maken worse it gets.

Sister:
Sie sind aber ein sturer Mensch. (You are so stubborn!)

Hedley:
[Breathlessly] Look, I came to this hospital... for some quiet. Why don't yer bugger off, man!

Dennis:
[As he and Neville pass by the ward] Did you hear that? The old guy's a Brit.

Neville:
Aye, sounds like it. [They go into the ward.]

Dennis:
Hey, man. What's the matter, son? Just calm down. The nurses are here to help you, aren't they? [To the Sister and Nurse] Er, sorry. Didn't mean to impose. We just realised he was British and thought he might not understand you, like, you know.

Nurse:
He understands very well. In any language, he is stubborn old man!

Hedley:
Maul zu! (Shut up!)

Sister:
[Preparing to put an oxygen mask on the patient] Seien Sie bitter ruhig! (Be quiet, please!)

Dennis:
Well, we didn't mean to impose, er... just thought you might want a hand. [He and Neville turn to leave.]

Nurse:
No. No, that is most kind. Perhaps because you English, he is...

Neville:
Well, he might calm down?

Dennis:
He might listen to us?

Nurse:
Ja. He has no-one, you see. No friends or family.

Dennis:
[Seeing the Sister has put the oxygen mask on the patient] Can he, er, talk though, with that thing on?

Nurse:
Ja. If he get short breath, he tell me.

Dennis:
Fair enough. Er... what was the panic about?

Nurse:
He hide something. Will you find it?

Dennis:
Well, we'll give it a try, won't we?

Neville:
Yeah. Sure.

Nurse:
Danke. Nehmen Sie seine Maske ab, Schwester, Lassen Sie ihn allein. (Thank you. Take off his mask, Sister. Leave him alone.) [She takes the mask off the patient.] Station Neun, Schwester Elisabeth, bitte. (Station Nine, Sister Elizabeth, please.) [The Sister and Nurse leave them alone. Dennis and Neville go to the patient.]

Dennis:
How are you feelin, then?

Hedley:
How would you feel with this... contraption? [Holding up the oxygen mask]

Dennis:
Aye, well. It's for your own good, isn'it? I mean, they know best, don't they?

Hedley:
Aye, so they say.

Neville:
How come you've ended up here, then, eh?

Hedley:
'Cos I'm bloody dyin', that's how!

Neville:
No, no, I meant, in a German hospital.

Hedley:
I live 'ere.

Dennis:
In the city?

Hedley:
For the past few years, aye. There were a few other places before here, mind. Mannheim. Essen. It's the job, you see? The foundries. [Points to his chest] I can thank them for all this, man(!)

Dennis:
What's the matter with yer, like?

Hedley:
Chronic bronchitis.

Dennis:
...Oh, I'm Dennis, by the way. This is Neville.

Neville:
Pleased to meet you...

Hedley:
Aye... Hedley. Hedley Irwin.

Dennis:
Well, we're pleased to meet you, Hedley.

Neville:
It sounds like you're a Geordie, Hedley.

Hedley:
No, I'm bloody not! I'm from Darlington!

Neville:
Oh, well? Aye, we're from just up the road.

Dennis:
Aye.

Hedley:
Never been back to Blighty since... 1946.

Dennis:
Never!

Neville:
How come?

Hedley:
Not after what they did to me!

Neville:
Who?

Hedley:
The British! [Coughs] Look, er... it's a long story. I'll tell you more when I'm more up to it.

Dennis:
[Sitting down next to Hedley] Listen, er... would you like us to come back and see you again? I mean, the sister said that you didn't have anybody, like.

Hedley:
Suit... suit yerself, man. It's not the first time I've been here, man. At least it's the last!

Dennis:
Ah, get away, man! You've gotta trust the staff. What are yer hiding in there, eh?

Hedley:
[Defensively] Nothin'! Don't you start!

Dennis:
I tell you what, we'll make a deal with, right? You cough up whatever it is you're hiding, and me and Neville'll come back and see you again, eh?

Hedley:
You're as bad as them buggers out there!

Neville:
Howay, Hedley, man. We can bring you fruit, or books, or whatever you need.

Hedley:
I need some slippers. And some soap.

Dennis:
Right, you've got them. Howay, cought it up, whatever it is. [Hedley reaches under his sheets and pulls out a packet of cigarettes. He hands them to Dennis.] Are you tryin' to kill yerself, Hedley?

Hedley:
Aye. [Chuckles]