Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, Series 1

Dennis:
What happened, Hedley, back in the war? I mean, what started all this off?

Hedley:
[Takes a breather] ...Staff Sergeant Hedley Irwin, 22215709, sir. [Starts coughing violently.]

Dennis:
Take it easy, Hedley. It's all right, man.

Hedley:
[Points under his bed] Give us that tin.

Dennis:
Just lie back.

Neville:
[Getting the tin] This one?

Hedley:
Aye, that's it. [Hedley opens the tin.] I was in the war, you know, as well. [Getting his medals out.] Army of Occupation. Stayed on. The Yanks... the Ivans... and us. [Starts coughing again. He reaches for his mask.]

Dennis:
[Helping Hedley with the mask] Take it easy, it's all right. [Hedley takes a few deep breaths.]

Neville:
[To Dennis] What's he on about?

Dennis:
Well, y'see, when the war was over, the British, the Americans, the French and the Russians, they stayed in Germany to, like, occupy it. Yer kna, to administer it, like. Well, Hedley, he was obviously in the British lot.

Hedley:
[Takes the mask off and puts it aside] Non-fraternisation. That's what they called it. You weren't allowed to mix. But a lot of Jerries worked for us. But you weren't allowed to fraternise socially. Verboten. [Takes out an old photograph of a young woman and shows it to Neville] She worked at Command Headquaters. On the switchboard, she worked. Spoke the bloody lingo, didn't she?

Dennis:
So... what did you do that was so terrible, then?

Hedley:
Why, I married her, didn't I? [Starts coughing again.]

Dennis:
Here. [Gives Hedley the mask.] Nurse!